


Chocolate

by writingtoreachyou



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Cybersex, Fetish, Impact Play, M/M, Maybe Harvey isn't quite as innocent either, Power Play, all kind of kinky stuff that Mike likes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-25 09:03:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7526629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoreachyou/pseuds/writingtoreachyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike has always been fascinated by the dark and forbidden and thinks he is fairly alone with his desires - until he discovers the internet and its possibilities and a whole new world unfolds right before his eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sairyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairyn/gifts), [novemberhush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberhush/gifts).



> I was prompted by two charming girls to do this one and have to admit to be a tiny bit nervous about it.

Ever since he could remember, Mike had been different from his friends. At least if they had been entirely honest with him – many people preferred to lie about anything that happened outside the norm, right?  
Wanted to blend in.  
Be part of the flock.  
Just the way he had always done.  
So maybe some of his friends and colleagues had been black sheep without him knowing - most likely at least one or two, considering that about ten per cent of the population actively engaged in the dark, the forbidden. Not to mention all those that only secretly fantasized about it the way he did.  
   
All his life he had felt the desire for the strange, the untouchable. First it had manifested in his taste in music _(I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside)_ and comics, later films and even later magazines and websites. It had taken some time to admit to himself that he stood out. It had all started at the age of 9.   
The awakening of his sexuality. 

Sure, he had known before that he was a boy, that there were other boys and those that weren’t boys were girls (that it wasn’t that easy was something he’d only learn a lot later). He liked to play with boys, girls were stupid, bitchy, unnerving. They liked dolls, the color pink and playing princess. He liked cars, dressed in blue and played knight. Stereotypes, who was he kidding, but back in the days he really didn’t care.   
   
Thinking back, he could pinpoint pretty much exactly when he had started to realize that he wasn’t like the other boys: Holiday camp 1990. Him and Trevor were meant to shower together and for the first time he wondered if that was weird.  
And when he had a boner that day, Trevor had chuckled and explained to him what jerking off was (on himself, not on Mike, something he weirdly enough regretted back in the days and only understood a lot later). Mike had blushed and followed his lead and they had both stood there, excited and a little grossed out but at the same time thoroughly enjoying themselves. 

Then Trevor had his first girlfriend. They were just holding hands and exchanging innocent kisses but Mike felt the need to find himself a princess as well, just to be able to keep up. They were the first boys in class to hold hands with a girl, to kiss and to write „Do you wanna be my girlfriend, yes, no, maybe“ notes they passed around. Maybe Mike felt something for the girls he was with, he was a little interested in their hobbies, he listened to what they had to say but mostly he wanted to be seen with them to appear cool and grownup. Especially in front of Trevor.  
   
There were times when Mike felt incredibly possessive over his best friend and badmouthed the girls he was dating until he’d break up with them. But it also occurred that he found a liking in a chick that his best friend was seeing at the time. He wished that Trevor didn’t like her so he could have a shot but he didn’t do anything about it – even at that age he knew that there was some kind of codex of honor, he couldn’t just snatch his best friend’s girlfriend (though love was a concept that they only knew about in theory, they still had years to go until cupid’s arrow would seriously wound them for the first time).  
   
In those glorious 90s, Mike wasn’t sure what all of this meant. That period was filled with stolen kisses, tears, anger, happiness and more than anything confusion - but that’s what your childhood and teenage years were bound to be, right? Everyone had their weird issues, demons to fight and truths to uncover and it took Mike a couple of years to finally allow himself to admit that no, he wasn’t straight. But as long as he didn’t act on it, it didn’t matter.  
Right?  
Being bisexual had the great advantage that he could just pretend to be normal until a guy would come and sweep him off his feet, a thought that excited and terrified him at the same time.

At nights, though, things were slightly different. If he was completely frank with himself, he mostly jerked off to the image of boys.  
Strong boys.  
Confident boys.  
He sent himself over the edge fantasizing about being pushed roughly against the shower wall at the gym, preferably by a stranger without a face and even though he didn’t know what it meant, his mind went there time and time again. Occasionally, he pulled on his hair, other nights he’d grab his throat and squeeze slightly to imitate another man holding him down, trying to choke him and after seeing the movie „Eyes Wide Shut“ with one of the girls he was dating, he also had a thing for random anonymous sex with guys in masks.  
Those images wormed their way into his dreams and the more inspiration he got from the outside world, the wilder, darker and more dangerous his imagination. Movies about religious cults could make him hard just as well as kidnapped stars in superhero flicks could and seeing a gangster being escorted away in handcuffs sent shivers down his spine. None of that was essentially a problem - unless he got a boner when The Joker ran the blade of his knife along his opponent’s face and Mike had to hide it somehow.  
But he wasn’t born on a different star - he knew that this was weird. Most of his friends got off on big boobs, fake blondes or cute girls with long lashes, he needed tied and gagged superheroes, tortured by their villains, whispered to dangerously.  
   
Then the internet happened.  
What a revelation!  
At first he didn’t even know what to look for, how to put his desire into words but Google became his best friend (and foe at the same time because no matter how regularly he cleared his cache and browser history, he just knew that somebody was creating a profile on him and his weird habits and desires – he wouldn’t be surprised if the FBI turned up at his doorstep to interrogate him on his weird searches to check if he had a body in the closet or a kidnapped damsel in distress in his nonexistent basement).  
The theoretical possibility to use a thing called “The dark net” was there but cyberspace was still in its early days and only true nerds knew enough about hiding their asses. And if he was honest, even without it Mike felt a slight sense of anonymity that allowed him to gather theoretical knowledge about all those things that had triggered unusual desires over the years and tickled his senses.  
   
He could have his girlfriends (hell, dating a boy was still scary. Those two, three drunk nights making out with Trevor didn’t count because he knew for a fact that a) he wasn’t seriously into his friend, he just trusted Trev enough to not slam a fist in his face when he tried to kiss him, and b) it was just to get some experience, to figure out if he really was attracted to guys or if it was just a weird idea that had planted inside his system) and have his vanilla sex life, cuddle, kiss, be cute and intimate and harmless.  
   
If anyone would have analyzed his fantasies to see how they matched his reality, they would most likely compared it with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – and he couldn’t tell them off for being wrong. Yet it hurt him to think that people might consider his actual sex life as something he wasn’t genuinely enjoying because he was! He loved cuddling, waking up next to the person he loved, watching them sleep for hours, running his hand along their arm and slow kisses full of importance.  
That didn’t mean that he couldn’t also feel the longing in his guts, the knowledge that there was more to it than he had experienced so far.  
   
His first Google searches had been quite general:  
   
_”kidnapping fantasies”_  
 _“kinky role play”_  
 _“dark fantasies”_  
 _knives AND skin AND sexy_  
 _masks AND sex_  
   
The world that was just a mouse click away was dark and mysterious, dangerous but seductive and Mike felt a strong pull, a maelstrom into a new reality. Like Alice, he just had to take a step towards the crimson light and become a new person – all without putting himself into actual danger. He soaked it all up like a sponge. There was so much to learn. BDSM. Ropes. Punishment. Whips. Power play. Impact play. Safe words. Candles. Obedience. D/s. Pet play. So much information, so many possibilities. So many **people**! He wasn’t alone. Far from it! There were pictures, sound files, videos, communities, mailing lists.  
Mike was in heaven.  
   
Fast forward a couple of years.

A new job at a law firm – God knew how he had tricked his way into that business without a law degree and all but he’d always been good with his brain and even better with his mouth.  
In his late 20s, Mike still neither had dated a man nor done anything about his intriguing fantasies. Every now and again, he’d stumble across a flyer for a fetish party somewhere in New York but while he hadn’t felt prepared enough to attend one in the early years, he now was simply too scared to bump into a client. He had a reputation to maintain!  
   
It also wasn’t anything he actively needed. In fact it was just a form of release of tension and stress after hard days at the office, when Harvey Specter, the best closer in the city who happened to be his strict but loyal boss and mentor, had been especially demanding. He’d collapse onto the couch and visit his favorite video porn sites or photo blog to take his mind off of things. Imagine other people to do the thinking for him, tell him what to do, order him around (not that it was that different from real life…). These days he had his favorite kinks – kidnap stories were still amongst them, some things never changed – and they managed to do the trick quickly and efficiently.  
   
It was a late night in September, Mike and Harvey had just closed an important deal and celebrated with a bottle of champagne before his boss had dropped him off at his place (politely disregarding the neighborhood he was living in which was very unlike him but it made Mike realize that Harvey once more became aware of how poor his associate actually was compared to him) and Mike was still on a high. He took his laptop, grabbed another beer and got comfortable in bed, browsing the net for some stimulation to continue his own private celebration.  
   
For the second time this month, one of his search results had directed him to a blog on Tumblr, a website he had never quite understood and considered himself too old for but that blog was too intriguing. He had checked out a couple of pages there in the past but nothing had drawn him in the way this person had. Whoever maintained the blog was very obviously into a lot of things that aroused him as well, in addition they seemed to be a lot more experienced than he was and if his profile wasn’t lying, it was a man. Mike’s pupils dilated and his breathing accelerated as he browsed through the posts with sweaty palms.  
God.  
That stuff was hot.  
So incredibly hot.  
Most pictures black and white.  
   
A Dom sitting on a couch, his face only a blur, he’s wearing a suit, his tie hung loosely around his neck and at his feet knelt a younger man, naked, a leather collar around his neck, his eyes fixated on his Dom’s shoes, lost in utter obedience.  
   
A naked man lying on a bed, obviously waiting for his punishment, a belt ready in the small of his back, waiting to be used on him. You couldn’t see his face but his entire posture demonstrated submission.  
It went straight to Mike’s cock.  
   
Scrolling down, he saw more pictures of obedient boys, waiting and wanting to serve. Sometimes they were on their own, sometimes their Dom was in the background. Sometimes there were whips, belts, ropes, chains – but they all had one thing in common: They were absolutely beautiful. Those boys gave themselves to their respective Dom so utterly, so completely, so full of trust.  
Mike sensed an urgent longing he had never experienced before. This was deeper, more intense than anything he had come across over the years, there were no close-ups of genitalia, it wasn’t obscene, it wasn’t pure torture, no. This was art. And it was temptation. And an invitation.

And before Mike knew it, he had created an account.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have noticed, the number of chapters posted for this fic just went up to 4. Chapter 2 kept growing and growing and growing, so I decided to split it in two because I'm in general more a fan of short chapters (but then more) cause I find that easier to read, simply more practical. Harvey has a slightly bigger role in this one, I hope you like it ;)

"Mike, my office!" Harvey commanded and turned around without so much as looking at him. He was pissed off about something, whatever it was, Mike had no idea because as far as he was concerned, it was a pretty uneventful week, they had just closed a successful merger deal and were basically just cleaning up. Apparently that had to be put on hold for a while because Harvey seemed determined and without wanting to, Mike found himself hurrying to keep up with him, doing his utmost to not leave him waiting.

Mike didn’t quite know what to make of his own desire to try that little bit harder to please Harvey, to be a little better, to do things quicker, more efficient. He remembered the intense feeling in his gut that very first case he had handled for his boss. How he had figured out what they had left out of the files and instead of getting a straight approval, he had been rewarded with a slight nod and a "Shave!" and for some weird reason it hadn’t pissed him off, it had made him work more hours, wanting to get a "Well done!" from Harvey. But Harvey Specter hardly ever did "Well dones", he just wasn’t that type of guy. It took Mike a couple of months to figure that one out but it didn’t upset him.  
No.   
He was fascinated by this man who wouldn’t take "no" for an answer, who never lost and waltzed through this world as if life owed him something.   
Maybe it did.  
From day one on, there had been something about Harvey he couldn’t quite explain but he had an idea where this was going… 

Trevor had meant the world to Mike, yes, he had set him up and sent him into this shaky drug exchange but he had been the center of his universe and when his new boss had told him that no, this wasn’t elementary school and yes, he demanded of him to ditch his best friend. Never talk to him again. Get rid of that briefcase. Given him instructions to go to Harvard and learn everything he needed to do to be able to become a fraud, Mike hadn’t taken one second to reconsider. Not one. He had been straight on board. And in a way that should scare Mike.  
And it worried him that it didn’t. 

From the very first moment he had trusted Harvey, known he wouldn’t let him fall - maybe he was too naive but that was the only way Mike had ever existed:  
100 percent or nothing.  
Black or white.  
In or out.  
And he was definitely in. - Hell, was he in!

He entered Harvey’s office and stood in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets "What’s going on?"  
His boss pointed at one of the files at his desk "They are suing one of our oldest clients for tax fraud, sit down, everything else is second priority, we need to find out how serious this is."  
Mike walked over to the couch and obliged, he ran his sweaty palms briefly through his hair, unable to shake off the sudden rush he had felt at those words - explaining that would be ridiculous. Slowly but steadily he began to understand that Harvey ticked certain… boxes, the more he thought about it, the clearer it became to him and he tried not to show it. His thoughts weren’t just inappropriate because Harvey was his boss, they scarily enough also rooted in his darkest desires.

Maybe setting up that account hadn’t been the best idea, almost like waking the beast that had been in deep slumber and occasionally stirred all those years. But it was too late. It was there, the elephant was in the room and he’d have to find a way to deal with it. Talking about it was out of question. Definitely not an option. Taking cold showers might do the trick… 

So many things made sense in hindsight: The way he hadn’t quite been able to stop himself from licking his lips after Harvey had said that he didn’t have to work 100 hours a day as long as he dominated. Signal word. Such a signal word! 

Or… God!!! When he had kicked Sam Tull’s ass and asked him to take a swing to see what happens, followed by that cocky chin, the dominant chin, the "I’m gonna kick your goddamn ass" chin, Mike had lost his pokerface for a second and been charged with adrenaline for the rest of the day.

All that should have been such a giveaway but somehow Mike hadn’t seen it, maybe refused to see it. That man was hot. In everything he did. In his small gestures (he didn’t have too many of those, Harvey was definitely rather known for his bold moves, closer moves, always one step up and one step ahead. And if Mike was honest: He enjoyed every second in his presence. And his countless efforts to impress his boss weren’t a case of "I need to prove that I belong in this room". No. He wanted that one smile. That one single nod. That one piece of appreciation that would send shivers down his spine and make his heart beat that tiny bit faster.

"ROOKIE!" Harvey let out a little grunt of disapproval and playfully hit him with the ruler he held in his hand to scan through the pages a little faster. Mike swallowed hard, hearing the blood rushing in his ears as he tried to inhale deeply without being caught to keep himself from blushing - or fainting. Even though it had been a goofy gesture, he could still feel the impact of the wooden piece of office supply on his forearm and it required all his willpower to not get lost in the moment, suck in his bottom lip and gnaw on it. Instead, he tried to play along but it came out a little flustered "What the hell was that about?"  
"I just told you that we don’t have much time and here you are, daydreaming. Now. Focus! I’m sure your little girl wouldn’t be happy to hear that you’re working late because you’re not getting anything done during the day," Harvey replied with a smirk that still didn’t leave any question who was in charge here and what needed to be done.  
"Aye, Sir," Mike saluted playfully but deep down he felt a fire that was spreading through his entire system, he quickly cast a look on the material at hand, put the cap between his teeth and tried to concentrate on the task at hand even though his brain threatened to go someplace else. He was even too caught up in the situation to mention that there was no little girl waiting at home…  
 _Come on, Mike… You can do this._

They sat there for hours, Mike’s neck was hurting, he was hungry but didn’t bring it up until Harvey ordered them food and made sure he ate, his vision was beginning to swim when he finally found the calculation error they had been looking for. A soft smile playing on his lips, he looked at his boss and pointed out a lot less enthusiastic than he would have hours ago - they were simply exhausted - that there had been a mix up on one page that was copied on every other page, thus leaving the whole equation invalid. He rubbed his eyes and let out a tired but content sigh and stretched.

Harvey, who was just as tired as him and didn’t care much about his little games right now, looked at him and said genuinely "Good job, Mike," before squeezing his shoulder. Mike would never in his life forget that moment. That look. That contentment. His entire body, mind, soul were craving for this recognition and when he got it, it almost started an explosion of joy. He knew that Harvey wouldn’t appreciate that, so he simply replied with a wide grin and eyes that could light up the darkest cave "Thanks, Harvey." - No smug face, no joke, no nothing. He was buzzing with delight and tried not to be too obvious about it (which he probably was anyway because his boss got to his feet, pointed at the papers and ordered "Go home, puppy. Let’s finish this up tomorrow").

Harvey had done it again. Mike knew that he shouldn’t think of that stupid little word when he made his way down to his bike and drove home in a trancelike state. He knew that it meant nothing, it wasn’t anything sexual - and besides, he shouldn’t think that way. Not when it came to his boss and mentor. That wasn’t healthy. Not at all. But it did something to him. Puppy. Rookie. Kid. Hell, he wasn’t into daddy play. Far from it. It was just a way to show Mike that he wasn’t the one calling the shots (as if he’d ever forget) but it was also a term of endearment. Of care. Of responsibility for him. And he wasn’t stupid, Mike knew that these were words that every sub liked to hear. 

How he had gotten home, he had no idea but he was so horny that he left a trail of clothes on the way to his bedroom and quickly opened his laptop, ready, wanting, needy. He needed to celebrate the "good job", even though deep down he was aware of how pathetic he was but he’d accepted a long time ago that he wasn’t quite of the ordinary.

With shaky hands he logged into his account and browsed through the images that had been posted since he’d been online last (which wasn’t long ago, for some reason he just couldn’t get enough of this Tumblr business since the discovery that a place like this existed) and stumbled across an image of a tied man lying on the floor. He was wearing jeans but his hands were bound together and he was gagged as well, both with some silky black material. The guy wasn’t his type but he could easily imagine himself lying in such a position, being looked at by a Dom who was sitting on his couch studying. Working maybe. Finding the one flaw in a tax fraud case…  
NO. STOP. Mike. Not cool, don’t do this. **Not** cool.  
Not that office.  
Not that couch.  
Not that man.  
His dick reacted instantly by twitching knowingly. As if that stupid thing had a mind of its own…

The same man, kneelandmoanthankyou, the person he'd actually created an account for, had posted another image of a man tied up in a pretty unnatural but very gorgeous way, it wasn’t black and white, it wasn’t sepia but something in between, he was forced to look at the ceiling, lying on his stomach, his feet somehow tied together and connected to his face with a rope. Mike had never seen anything like it but he found himself wondering how it would feel and for how long he could stay and cope in such a position. If the right person asked him to, he’d definitely try.  
Anything for a "good boy…".  
His entire body, every single cell was yearning for this. To get the chance to show that he had it in him. Could be obedient - despite his big mouth. Could do impossible things to make somebody happy. Arouse someone. Be somebody’s object. Object of desire. 

He clicked on kneelandmoanthankyou’s account. There just was something to his images. They never grossed him out, they were classy, gorgeous, intoxicating. Drawing him in. Like an invitation for Mike to finally give in to his desires. That it would be okay. That he could be good. Pretty. Pretty in suffering. Pretty in obedience. In service.  
Mike scrolled up a little further and let out an involuntary whimper. He knew he should possibly try to sleep now, it was late and they’d work on that case first thing in the morning but he couldn’t just let this go. And seeing this boy whose hairdo wasn’t unlike his own kneel before another person, licking his feet, with his own jeans pulled down to his knees, tight grip on his collar, the Dom holding a belt - most likely the one from his sub’s jeans - in his hand, all of that with the capture "Good boy.", posted just half an hour ago, he couldn’t help but throw all his plans overboard. He needed to get in touch with this man. There was no other way. 

Which picture was the right one to initiate contact? The one of the very muscular man tied in a standing position, barely covered up, saying "You can run but you can’t hide", perfectly tagged with _#goal, #I’ll have you_ or the image of the gorgeous human being leaning over the back of a chair, displaying the perfection of Shibari with rope that was tied exquisitely around his body, posted with the caption "When I’m done with you" and the tag _#you want this_.   
Maybe this would be a good way to start. Because he had no experience when it came to ropes and also not really an opinion. He knew that many people were crazy about it and he himself liked the idea of being helplessly tied to the bed or a chair or any other way that took away his abilities and control options. 

Okay.   
This was it.  
Moment of the truth.  
He could do this. Step into another world. He could. He wanted to be part of this. Had always wanted to. _Come on. Do it, Mike. Just do it._

He squinted his eyes together as he pushed the "reblog" button and let his fingers rest on top of the keys. Mike closed his eyes for an instant and tried to let his intuition decide what to write.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: When I’m done with you.  
jokersprey: If you’re really this good, I want you to do this to me. _

He needed tags, right? That’s how this thing worked. Hmmm. _#ropes_ \- obviously. And. What else. _#newbie_? Well. Certainly couldn’t hurt. He knew he’d never send it if he didn’t do it immediately, so without further ado, he went ahead and stared at his blog.  
Mike Ross, you have officially engaged in something BDSM related.  
This is big.  
This is important.  
He felt so liberated!  
The endorphins that washed over him gave him the best high of his life (and he had certainly had his share of drug-induced bliss before…). He could have never dreamt of immediately engaging in a conversation that turned his world upside down from one second to the next.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: First of all: You don’t need the hashtag #newbie. It’s written all over your post. If you were truly the sub that you claim to be in your profile, you’d beg me to do this to you. You’d be thankful. Humble. And trust me: I am really this good. Not that I’d need to prove it to you. #just saying #a lot to learn_

_jokersprey: Oh damn. Big mouth strikes again. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to piss you off. I am humble. And thankful. And I want to learn. So anything I can do to make up for it? #second chance?_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Kneel. Right at my feet. Beg for forgiveness and wait until I’ve made up my mind what to do with you. How does that sound?_

_jokersprey: Thank you, Sir. I beg your pardon. Please give me another chance. I will be good. Give you anything you need, I am sorry. I understand if you’d want to discipline me._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Patience. I’ll consider it. My rules. If I don’t feel like it, get ready to kneel there all night. I’ll continue working for a while. Stay where you are. Don’t move an inch. Understand?_

_jokersprey: Yes, sir. Thank you. I’ll be right here, waiting for your decision._  
As long as it takes.   


And then Mike waited.

He was horny. And excited. This was happening! He was actively writing with a Dom who was willing to teach him a thing or two. Even if it was just for tonight, he couldn’t believe his luck. First Harvey had told him he had done a good job, now this.   
No, Mike. No mixing. Don’t. Mix.   
This is this.   
That is that.

He waited some longer, imagining to be kneeling in front of this mysterious man whose profile picture consisted of a suit and something in his hand that looked suspiciously like the handle of a crop. His cock was hurting with want, he wasn’t made for waiting. At least not yet. God, why couldn’t that guy just give him a good cyber spanking and then he could cyber squirm for him and he’d allow him to come?   
But none of that happened.   
Instead he could see that this guy was talking to someone else. Mike growled in frustration. He wanted to demonstrate that he was still there and for the first time in his life he got the whole "puppy boy is sitting by his Master’s feet and rubbing his face against his legs with want" deal. It was annoying. He found himself biting into his hand. 

Instead of openly whining that he needed attention, he reblogged the image of the sub licking his Dom’s feet and simply asked "Like this?" to demonstrate that he indeed - at least metaphorically - was kneeling and waiting for a sign what to do. It was almost dawning outside but he couldn’t go to bed not knowing what was happening to him. Somehow he knew that it was part of the codex. He had started a scene, he ought to finish that scene.   
No reply.   
God, that man was just as stubborn as Harvey when he tried to teach him a lesson! He reblogged some rather harmless fun posts he found on other blogs, trying to get the Dom’s attention but the man wasn’t following him (yet), so he wasn’t sure if he saw it or not - but he hoped he would check. 

Still nothing.  
Niente.  
Nada…

Mike didn’t even know if he was allowed to touch himself, he guessed he wasn’t since he was to kneel at this man’s feet. And even though he was very frustrated, each minute that he waited turned him on more. The adrenaline that was pumping through his system made him feel sick and dizzy but he couldn’t let it go. He browsed some more pages and found an image of a man’s back and ass. The guy was naked but you could see marks of ropes that previously embraced his body. He decided to give it another shot.

_jokersprey: I’ve never tried ropes. Maybe somebody would like to teach me some day? (looking at Kneel And Moan Thank You but not daring to tag him because he’s working and I’m kneeling… and hopefully soon moaning thank you)._

Was he allowed to be cheeky? Well, he couldn’t quite hide the way he was. At least not entirely, not even for the sake of playing. And he was a newbie, so it was okay to at least try. Right? He was so sick with nerves that he had to take a deep breath. 

Just an instant later, there was a reply to the boy kneeling and licking his Dom’s foot. The one he had reposted with "Like this?" It simply said "I SAID WAIT!!! MY. TERMS." and _#so much to learn_. Oh shit, had he pissed him off? Was this it? A five minute flirt that resulted in nothing because he hadn’t been patient enough? Mike refreshed his page five times within 20 seconds to see if there was more. Thankfully, he didn't leave him hanging. A reply to the rope post. A long one. His heart skipped more than just one beat.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Since patience seems to be a foreign concept for you or you’re trying to test me - both options are not acceptable, kid - I have decided that you have not earned the right to come tonight. I’ll PM you with a set of ground rules before we get into this but know that I’m serious about this. I’ll make sure that you will be less about cockiness in future and more about cock. My cock. My rules. Remember? Now I want you to touch yourself, slowly. Agonizingly even. Until you are about to come. Almost there. And then. When you can feel the first waves wash over you. You stop. Because you were not obeying me. And obedience is bliss. You will learn that one way or another. Understood? #lesson_

_(wait for my PM)_

Oh. Fuck.   
Oh. God.   
Mike couldn’t breathe. What had he gotten himself into? He clawed his hands into the sheets to keep himself somewhat stable. Of course he could just ignore this, make himself come and go to sleep. It was just cybersex, right? Well. Rather cyberflirting because he didn’t get to come. But somehow he was captivated. He wanted to know what this was about. How it would feel to give his power to this marvelous human being that clearly knew what he was doing.  
Well… he could at least give it a try. It was something he had wanted to do all his life, right? And this was safe, it wasn’t real, it was just a mind game. 

He tried to form a decent thought in his brain to reply something to that last message but it was all a huge mess. Fuck it, he needed to tell that guy that he was in on this or he’d miss his big chance. Now or never. So he felt his fingers fly over the keyboard and read after writing "Oh God. Yes. Understood. Thank you. Awaiting your PM. And sorry. And thanks." and apologized for his stammering by using the hashtag _#incoherent_. Mike knew that he hadn’t completely screwed it up when the man on the other side of the screen replied

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy.  
Remember: No coming. Wait for my PM. Read it carefully. Then make yourself really hard for me. Afterwards I want you to lay down (if you’re not already), think of how to do better and stop touching yourself. No more touching. I know you can do this. You’re stronger than you think. Stay good for me. #task no. 1_

Mike had no idea what to expect from that PM. He wasn’t stupid, he had done his research and knew about limits and safe words, even though he wasn’t sure if they also applied for online play. What he did know after this little time playing (if he could call it that already?! He wasn’t sure, it was early days): He LOVED - in capital letters. **Absolutely** in capital letters - power play. To be told what to do. To be denied pleasure in case he wasn’t a good sub. Just thinking about it made his dick pulsate and knowing that he wasn’t allowed to do anything about it, wow.  
Intense.  
Almost too much to take. - But just almost. It provided the right amount of frustration and pain. Exactly to the level he craved. It was bliss. Even though he was frowning one second at the prospect of a long, long night, he was grinning all over his face just one later.

Dream. Come. FUCKING. True.

When a blue dot appeared in the top corner of the smiley icon, he grinned like a boy at Christmas and clicked on it. The PM that would hopefully only be the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: If anyone of you might consider it funny to take up the usernames over at Tumblr: Too late... ;-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thanks for your wonderful feedback!!!
> 
> I don't seem to be able to write short stories anymore. Every single time I get into a piece of fiction, it grows and grows and grows. I hope you don't mind that I lured you into this with the promise of something short and now I'm breaking that promise. One more chapter is coming up today or tomorrow morning, then I'll be on holidays for a week but after that there will be at least 2-3 chapters more... I enjoy writing this one way more than I probably should!!!

Mike had lost track of the time he had been sitting there, staring at the screen in anticipation when the blue dot finally appeared. The sane part of his brain knew that it was the worst idea to do this that very night, Harvey needed him the next day - at his very best. But even if he wanted to, he’d not be able to sleep now. _Spirits that I’ve cited, my commands ignore._ He gnawed on his lip, almost overwhelmed by the new developments in his life. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Kid, you still out there...or did you fall off the face of the earth_

Normally he wasn’t that shy with words but whatever he tried to type, it all rang stupid to his ears. What did this guy expect? 

_jokersprey: I’m still here. :)_

No, skip that goddamn smiley. What are you? Five? The next few attempts weren’t much better.

_jokersprey: I’m still here - and I don’t really know how this works so.  
jokersprey: I’m still here (is it okay if I’m cheeky? Do you want me to be cheeky? Do you want me to be myself? Or how does this work?)_

Eventually, he settled for a simple "I’m still here." You couldn’t do anything wrong with being precise, right? Mike took a deep breath, he needed to calm down or he’d not be able to sleep for weeks. This man knew he was a newbie, so he knew what he was getting himself into. Right? He had offered to PM him, had flirted with him and somehow there was chemistry between them. At least he had a feeling that there was a foundation to build on. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: So you think you want to play in this world? Tell me what you think you know._

Mike started writing "I think", erased it immediately because it sounded more insecure than intended.

_jokersprey: I'm quite sure I do.  
What I know? Of this world you mean?_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Yes, what do you know about power exchanges_

_jokersprey: I know that we are supposed to set safe words. And speak about limits - hard and soft. I mean, if those are also necessary online?!  
And you're the boss._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Well you got one thing right..if we do this and that's a big if. I will most definitely be the boss.  
Do you have a safe word?_

_jokersprey: Of course you are the boss. What can I do to eliminate the "if"?_

It sucked that he couldn’t see whether the person on the other side of the screen was typing. So in the end he ended up writing something at exactly the same time and the whole conversation got a tiny bit messy but he was too horny to really care. Horny and fucking excited.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Okay hot shot...  
Safe word_

_jokersprey: I never thought about safe words. Is there anything that works best?_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: It’s yours... You should have three. One to indicate you are fine, one to say you are getting close to your limit and one that means stop everything now  
Some people use the traffic light version green, yellow, red. Others make up their own_

_jokersprey: Let’s use the traffic light, it's logical and easy to go with._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Done._

_jokersprey: Great._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good. First assignment:_  
I want you to list out the things you like or are curious of trying  
Things you are not quite sure about but possibly interested in  
And lastly things you are absolutely against.  
I expect this by tomorrow. You can use my private email to send me this document.  
9 am sharp. Failure to meet this request..will result in unfortunate consequences. 

Mike inhaled sharply. Fuck, this was serious business. He was given an assignment, was meant to do homework and this guy definitely wasn’t bullshitting him. They were both equally invested in this.   
His eyes widened and he ran his hand through his hair.   
9 AM. That meant he had to do this now, he could never accomplish that in the morning.   
And compiling a list of things he absolutely wanted to do would be torture without being allowed to make himself come.   
Heaven / Hell / Purgatory. Whatever it was, it was blissful agony. He was this close to admitting that he wasn’t sure he could make it until 9 AM - Harvey would positively kill him - but he couldn’t blow his chance. It was immature to follow his dick rather than his head but by now he was done, he couldn’t form one coherent thought, let alone make a rational decision. So against his better judgement, he replied "Okay. I will not disappoint you."

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Run along now, I have business to attend to and you have homework to do._

Mike wondered for a brief second if his counterpart was living further West because he was still working this hour. He could pretty much rule out that he was from abroad considering his writing style but there was also a possibility that he lived on the other side of the globe… For the shortest amount of time he actually felt disappointment creeping up but he strictly held it at bay. He could never meet anyone from this community anyway, at least not here, not in New York where everyone knew him. So maybe it wasn’t actually the worst option to have a play partner who couldn’t simply knock on his door if he wanted to. If he’d ever like to meet up, it would be a lot less dangerous to jump on a plane and fly to the West Coast for example. They didn’t have that much business with companies in San Francisco - apart from the odd start up from the Silicon Valley area.   
He was about to shut down his Safari window when something occurred to him. They hadn’t really talked names. He sure as hell wouldn’t give away his actual one and was fairly convinced that neither would the other man.

_jokersprey: Is there..._  
How am I to call you?  
Your name is kinda long and I want to address you adequately 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: You will address me as Sir unless instructed otherwise.  
Any other questions?_

_jokersprey: Sir?_  
No. No other questions, I think.  
(My question came the moment you pressed enter, I didn't mean to question the name!) 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Then what do you say..._

_jokersprey: YES! Your mail address. Sorry. Late._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Then what do you say..._

_jokersprey: Sir.  
Sorry. Yes, Sir!_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: KAM@*******.com_

_jokersprey: (Oh god, I'm messing this up already, ain't I?)  
thank you, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy  
Deep breath... Think before you speak and act and you will be fine_

Mike actually had to grin at that advice. It was such a Harvey thing to say, God, this Dom would end up confusing him in all kind of ways, he already knew that things would get messy if he kept comparing them in his head but by now he was so sleep drunk and aroused that all his walls were down and he couldn’t bring himself to worry about it. He gnawed on his bottom lip and chuckled to himself as he replied.

_jokersprey: My friends would tell you that that's where the problem lies, Sir. I will do my best. And learn._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good. Now go, you have work to do_

_jokersprey: You’re right, Sir. Getting right to it! Goodnight._

Mike reread parts of the conversation, unable to ignore the feeling of pride he felt in his chest to finally having allowed himself to be the way he was. This was a big achievement and he wouldn’t let anyone tell him differently - even though he was aware of the fact that he was playing with fire. And knowing himself, he would most likely get burnt - everyone knew that he wasn’t rational and too emotionally invested in everything he did. What if this fucked him up in a way that he couldn’t recover from? Well, if he didn’t try, he’d never find out. No risk, no fun. 

He closed his laptop and put it on the mattress right next to him, still smirking to himself like a teenage boy, stretched and sighed very contently. His entire body was buzzing with adrenaline, testosterone and an aching need. Endorphins as well, he was quite sure. He looked down on himself and his throbbing dick greeted him invitingly. He had received two tasks by his new Dom (oh, he liked how that sounded. He knew that the man had told him there were still big ’if’ issues to be cleared beforehand but Mike knew that he could be persuasive…), one in his PM, one openly for everyone to see. The last rational bit of his brain that was still somewhat active told him that he should rather start by writing that assignment because if he started teasing himself and almost making himself come now, he sure as hell wouldn’t be able to type anymore… So okay. First the written homework. 

He grabbed his laptop once more and opened a Pages file, his hands were already shaking with exhaustion, Harvey would be so mad at him! Maybe he’d use that ruler again.   
AH. STOP IT. NOT GOING THERE.  
He rubbed his eyes and inhaled deeply before making three sections, named them "curious", "not sure" and "no go". He realized that his counterpart hadn’t asked him about things he had done before. Maybe he should add those to the list? Then again he seemed experienced, presumably could read from the things Mike was curious about what he might or might not have done. He knew that for the first time since getting into this whole lifestyle, this was no longer a game. Writing this list meant that he had to be honest with himself or he’d get himself into trouble. Not just because his Dom would surely find out but also because they did this for his own protection. So honesty was vital.

_**My First Assignment** _

__curious  
power play incl. orgasm denial  
total obedience and discipline  
crawling at Sir’s feet, kneeling before him while he is reading or working and just being available, resting my head in his lap.   
nudity while Sir is dressed.  
role play (particularly anything to do with kidnapping)  
hot wax  
knives on bare skin (without actual cutting, I think)  
Tying up with ropes and proper leather cuffs (hands and feet)  
Proper collar and leash  
Biting and scratching, hair pulling  
Pain to a certain extent, whips, spanking, I don’t know my level yet - same goes for electricity, I could love it or I could hate it but I would like to try  
’forced’ orgasms, nonstop coming until I (almost) pass out. I’ve seen that in quite a bunch of clips and it always seems very intense  
bondage  
straight jacket  
(ball) gag  
Complete surrender over the course of several days - that one could only work when I’m away from work because I have a rather stressful job that includes a dress code and other obligations that need to be met because I am in constant contact with business clients.  
anything anal (I’m a virgin, Sir. I’ve only had intercourse with women so far even though I’ve known about my bisexuality all my life but so far I haven’t had the chance to explore that side of me.) 

__not sure  
Puppy play. While I enjoy the idea of crawling and being at Sir’s feet, I’m not entirely certain if I’d like the rest it would imply. Sleeping on the floor or being caged - it could be nice but I’m not sure if that doesn’t take it too far.   
Fetish parties. I love the idea of going to one, being a proud and good servant to my Dom in public but as I mentioned before, I work with clients and unless it’s in a town far away, I would not be able to do this. Unless nobody would recognize me for some reason (wearing a mask or a hood or anything like that).   
Latex. Never tried it so I have no idea what that’s like  
Light asphyxiation but nothing actually threatening, just a light squeeze to the throat  
nipple clamps and weights, again: Never tried, so I don’t wanna rule it out immediately 

__no go  
bathroom denial  
medical play  
blood play (see above ’knives’, if it’s harmless, it could be a soft limit)  
anything including urine or shit  
being tied up and photographed/videotaped, again I have a reputation to maintain and even though I want to learn to trust you, I can’t allow anything that might be used as blackmail afterwards  
nude pictures (selfies) that show my face or anything else on my body that might give away my identity  
water bondage  
anything involving (too) big objects being shoved into various body openings.  
needles   
anything involving animals or insects or snakes or anything living  
Age play? 

The completion of this task had robbed Mike another hour of his sleep. He had wanted to think this through properly because it would be the foundation of everything and now it was almost four in the morning and he was still at it. He felt open and vulnerable, especially because he had revealed he had actually never slept with a man. Maybe this would be the deal breaker that his Dom had talked about? He was worried but lying on this one was out of question. Before he could change his mind, he copied the list into a mail and sent it to the man on the other side of this country. How was he supposed to sleep now?   
He had just revealed his innermost to someone else.   
A person he had only just met.   
God, he really was a naive son of a bitch sometimes, wasn’t he? What if that person was an opponent in a case and he had just given him enough blackmailing material to destroy his reputation forever?! He felt his heart beat hard against his chest. _No. No, don’t be silly. Nothing here says "Mike Ross". Not even remotely._

He was already losing it… Mike quickly put his laptop aside again and crawled under the blanket, he only had a couple of hours left until he’d have to get up again and tackle an important case. Right now he’d kill for a joint to calm him down and get him sleepy but he had promised not to use anymore and he was adamant to keep that promise. He inhaled deeply and almost shyly reached for his dick, scared that that single touch would make him lose his shit. This was the first night, he didn’t intend on breaking the rules already. He wrapped his hand carefully around it and started stroking himself very slowly, the way his Dom had ordered him to do.   
Usually he was very quiet and efficient when making himself come but he couldn’t climax tonight and that new sensation was so overwhelming that he found himself moaning bordering on whimpering. Even though it was pure and utter torture, he enjoyed every moment of it, feeling dirty but obedient and strangely empowered. He bit into his left hand to will himself to stay strong while his mind drifted to his faceless stranger who leant against his wall in his expensive three piece suit, hands in his pockets and a content smirk on his lips, mumbling ’That’s it, kid.’ in a far too familiar voice that made Mike bite himself even harder. 

***

When his alarm clock rang too early the next morning, Mike felt run over by a truck. His head hurt, he was dizzy and had problems focusing, almost like a bad crash after a night with too much booze and weed. He sat up and rubbed his temple, whining quietly to himself. Knowing beforehand that something was a bad idea and actually experiencing the consequences were two entirely different things. Right now he wished he could rewind and undo last night (but only to relive it some other time when he wouldn’t need to get up early to save a client). Not only had he struggled to keep himself from coming, his aching cock had rubbed against his bedsheets for hours until Mike had decided to give up trying to stay snuggled up in his blankets but crawled on top to reduce the friction. Now he was staring down at his deep red erection, unsure what to do about it because he sure as hell couldn’t go to work like that. He wasn’t allowed to do something, right? Maybe a cold shower would do the trick?

Wait.   
He had said ’no coming tonight’, hadn’t he? He had. Right?   
Mike’s hopes rocketed up as he quickly opened his browser and scrolled to that particular part of their conversation. 

_I have decided that you have not earned the right to come tonight._

OH THANK YOU!!! CHRIST, JESUS, JOSEPH AND MARY!  
Mike sniggered to himself, realizing he had just gone back to his teenage years in Catholic school in his mind. Well, that definitely fitted his current state of mind. He was about to shut down the laptop and finally allow himself some sweet release, when he saw a stranger butt in their conversation of the previous day. It reminded him once more that all of this was public. His Dom had managed to suck him in in a way that had almost made him forget they weren’t doing this in private - at least not entirely. 

_dark-daughter: someone was a bad boy today… @jokersprey_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I wonder if that someone has been able to keep their hands to themselves, @dark-daughter_

Mike’s eyes widened. His dick throbbed with pain, it was overpowering, almost too much to take. His trembling fingers typed:

_jokersprey: That someone has. And it’s killing him._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy. PM!_

Mike didn’t even wait for the PM sound or the blue dot to appear but clicked onto the smiley symbol immediately, breathless and dizzy. He knew he didn’t have to wait for permission but somehow he still craved the absolution that he could finally allow himself sweet release. His Dom needed a long time to write, Mike almost began to wonder if he had changed his mind - or was tasting his patience, he seemed to think that that was something he needed to learn and quite frankly: That was true. But then a message appeared.

_kneelandmoanthankyou:_  
I received your list. I will go over it thoroughly. Know if we agree I will push your limits, I will be swift to correct and punish if I feel its warranted. And I will always be honest.  
I expect that from you as well. Do you think you can handle that? 

_jokersprey: Yes, I do, Sir. Thank you for your belief in me._

_Okay. Consider this a trial. I agree to assume the role of your Dom during this trial period. I will have a contract drawn up and sent to you. READ EVERY WORD. You will have a 72 hour window to read over and decide. If I do not hear from you within that time frame the contract is null and void. If you have questions, contact me and we can discuss them.  
Do you understand the terms as I have explained them?_

Mike could hardly breathe, that sounded so much like something he heard every day that it made his head spin. He almost sent “I know my way around the law” but knew that was a very bad idea. _Don’t give away too much personal information, Mike. Remember that you don’t know anything about this guy._

_jokersprey: Yes, I do, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good. Expect my contract within a few hours. Welcome to my Playground.  
I wouldn't mess this up if I were you_

_jokersprey: I don't intend to. I'm enjoying this. Thank you, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy._  
Let me put your mind at ease a little because I am aware of your anxiety. This is a learning experience and like I said I expect you to be as honest with me as I am with you. I see that you have not slept with a man before. I understand that it makes you feel vulnerable. Let me guide you and always remember your safe words and it will be okay. Don’t do anything you are not ready for. Trust your instincts. Trust my instincts.   
Now, all talking aside, it is time for your reward. You have been a good boy for me? Can you make yourself come for me? Do it as quick or as slow as you like but I have one condition: I want you to think of how pleased I am with you. Remember that I’m granting you this orgasm. That you’re allowed to come because it’s my decision. And I want you to thank me for it. - Basically think of my username ;) 

Mike squirmed while reading the message, it was almost gentle, certainly not what he had expected but he felt such relief that he realized it was just what he had needed to hear. That it was okay he wasn’t experienced. That this was a journey and nobody expected him to be perfect, to shine but that he could be himself and it would be good. And Jesus, he couldn’t remember another time that the term ’good boy’ and the sentence ’I am proud of you.’ had gotten straight to his heart the way they had now. For some weird reason he felt tears jump to his eyes - a turmoil of emotions took over that he couldn’t grasp but he let it happen. He was raw and bare, stripped naked in every sense of the word. He quickly typed in capitals

_jokersprey: THANK YOU._  
SO MUCH.  
THANK YOU, SIR! 

He knew that he was lost after one night of playing and it terrified him but this was addictive, there was no turning back now that he had opened that box. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Now come for me! And when you’re done, take a minute for yourself before you start the day. Drink plenty, make sure you have snacks available, you’ll need the sugar. (It’s not hocus-pocus but science, trust me.) Have a good day._

_jokersprey: I will, Sir. I will.  
And thanks again. Oh God, I’m babbling. Thank you, Sir. Have a great day!_

Mike beamed like a lunatic and shut down his computer, immediately reaching for his dick and starting to stroke himself quickly. He would have loved to drag this out but work was calling - and in reality he probably wouldn’t have been able to do that anyway, his entire body was craving to come. He was shaking all over as he drove himself further and further to climax and mumbled quietly "Thank you… thank you, Sir…. God… Thank you…" He moaned and whimpered while speaking, this was something he hadn’t done before and he was surprised by how intense it felt to speak while jerking off. The man in the three piece appeared in the corner of his room again and leant against the wall very relaxed, whispering "Good boy… I’m proud of you… Well done… Good job, Mike" Mike gasped and shot his load into his hand, sweating, trembling, a definite and utter mess. He tilted his head upwards and squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the waves of pleasure run over him and shake him until they slowly subsided. 

In a trancelike state, he cleaned his hand on his bedsheets and reached for the water bottle that stood next to his bed. "Drink plenty" he had said. He emptied it in one large sip and lay on his back for a moment, staring at the ceiling and trying to regain his composure. This had exceeded anything he had ever experienced before and he wasn’t entirely sure he had known what he was getting himself into. Tears ran down his face, he was exhausted, ecstatic and high. The analytical part of his brain didn’t get why he was sobbing like a baby but his inner hobby psychologist tried to explain it was the intense sense of coming home, of belonging, of finally understanding himself - he wasn’t entirely sure if it was that. It didn’t matter. He needed more. He wanted more. He wiped away his tears and tried to get on top of the game again, telling himself over and over that he needed to get up because Harvey would be pissed if he wasn’t there on time. So he stumbled to his feet and into the bathroom where he took that cold shower he had considered earlier - maybe it would help him sober up a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: This story also keeps growing because I'm enjoying myself with the interactive aspect of this whole thing over at Tumblr. I feel like I'm 12 again... (and I *swear* I just blocked those accounts so nobody would post stuff under names that I've created but then people have started following them... ;))


	4. Chapter 4

Mike sat at his desk and went over the same page of the agreement for the third time now. Every time he had reached about half a paragraph, his mind started drifting off to everything that had happened last night. He was drained but randy and that combination made reading almost impossible. For some weird reason, Harvey only half-assed told him off for not being bright minded enough this morning; he was in a brilliant mood, something that exceeded the ordinary ’we found the mistake and will kick their sorry asses’ Harvey Specter appeal. He walked even straighter than usual, chin up, boasting confidence. Mike didn’t question it, he just thanked some higher spirits that it coincided with his own inability to sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time and excusing himself to go to the bathroom repeatedly to jerk off, splash his face with cold water or both. Had someone secretly sneaked viagra into his drink? He sucked on his pen and tried to focus on the task at hand. 

Should anyone ask him later what he had done that day, he wouldn’t be able to answer. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about their client, he managed to somehow pull himself together when it mattered but in total Mike wasn’t there. His head was in the clouds, in a weird place that held him trapped almost violently and he couldn’t let go. Somehow he managed to do the usual small talk, even though he possibly only got half of the movie quotes floating around but Harvey would most likely blame it on their late night shift. 

During that day his Dom checked on him twice to see if he was feeling alright which baffled Mike but he guessed that it was part of the codex. The first time he had just returned from a meeting with Harvey and Louis to go through the finances of their client and he had quickly replied that he was doing fine, that he had tried to drink and eat as regularly as possible.  
Message number two landed in his PM box at around three in the afternoon. By now he was fairly certain that whoever was sitting on the other side of his screen was in the EDT area as well, CDT max, because he seemed to share his circadian rhythm. Which subsequently meant that he was working long and hard hours considering he had gone back to work when Mike had drifted off to his restless sleep. He wore suits for work, he had figured that out from his user icon and a recent post. Considering his attitude, he could be in the financial sector, investment banking maybe. Stock exchange possibly, that would explain the late hours because he’d have to deal with different time zones and markets. Law was always a possibility, Mike of all people knew how many nightshifts they had mastered since he’d started working for Pearson Hardman. 

Men in suits… he had never quite been into that growing up even though they often implied money and power. Maybe it had to do with the fact that the lawyer talking about the settlement money with his grandmother had worn a suit as well. Not unlike the one of the funeral director actually…  
He frowned.  
No, he hadn’t wanted to go there but today everything was so intense, technicolor almost that his usual defenses weren’t in place. He realized that his eyes were threatening to spill over again and quickly looked at his hands.  
No.  
Not again!  
The second time he was ready to cry in one day.  
There were people talking around him but all of that commotion was too extreme, too noisy, too aggressive. All he wanted to do was go home and have a good cry but he knew he couldn’t do that. Plus it was ridiculous, there was no reason to cry. Maybe the inner psychologist should rather have talked to his inner endocrinologist because a dangerous cocktail of endorphins, serotonin, testosterone, adrenaline and possibly other hormones was beginning to stir him up the wrong way. He had read about this before a long time ago, he vaguely remembered but this was an online game. It couldn’t happen. This only happened after intense beating sessions, he had heard.  
He couldn’t breathe. Was this the beginning of a panic attack?  
His throat was tight, his hands sweaty, his hair stood up in the back of his neck.  
Fuck. He shouldn’t have done this. He wasn’t built for this.  
Shit.  
“Drink plenty,” he heard his Dom say in that familiar voice when he felt a hand on his arm. He looked up, unable to hide his tears and the face belonging to that voice stared right back at him. The expression changed from concerned to angry “Come with me. Now.” 

Mike swallowed. What was happening? What had he done wrong now? He almost had troubles keeping up with Harvey because his world was turning but somehow he did end up in Harvey’s office on that bloody couch. His hands were shaking and he inhaled deeply.  
“Harvey, I’m…” he started but his boss cut him off “What did you take?”  
Mike’s eyes widened and he held his hands up defensively “You mean drugs?”  
He sounded hoarse and exhausted and his eyes were still red with tears but thankfully he had stopped crying by now.  
“Yes, I mean drugs, don’t bullshit me, Mike. I cut you some slack all day because it was a late night last night but you didn’t go straight to bed after I ordered you to, did you?”  
Mike swallowed hard. ’Ordered,’ a signal word. Spoken with harsh voice. Going straight to his dick.  
Oh God.  
No.  
Not again.  
Those hormones needed to get a grip! 

“I’m not bullshitting you, Harvey! I was tired, I couldn’t sleep, I spent some time reading stuff and went to bed. Just the way you asked me to,” he replied edgily. He could hear his own desire to be good for the man in front of him but was quite sure that Harvey didn’t catch any of that. He was way too busy trying to figure out if he had used last night. In a way he had… just not any kind of illegal drugs.  
His boss gave him one of those piercing stares that always made his knees go weak and he crumbled right in front of him, fresh tears threatening to fall. He tried to explain the inexplicable “It’s just lack of sleep. It makes me emotional, I just…” he sighed “I guess I thought of my parents just now for some weird reason and… yeah… well…” he gnawed on his bottom lip and let his shoulders sack.  
Harvey’s facial expression softened immediately when he realized that his rookie had spoke the truth and said calmly “Well, you look like hell. Go home…”  
Mike raised his eyebrows “But…”  
“No ’but’, Mike. You’re of no use to me when you’re like this. You’re not doing me - or yourself - a favor, so go home. Get some rest. No weed.” He stressed the last bit and looked at him with a sense of authority that Mike couldn’t disobey. He returned the gaze almost shyly and nodded, saying quietly “Aye, boss… I’m sorry…” That was very unlike him, he always had a comeback when it came to Harvey Specter but he was just frazzled.  
Harvey frowned at him, noticing the lack of wit “Don’t apologize, and now get going. Don’t take the bike, I’ll have Donna call Ray.”  
Mike nodded again and got up, swaying slightly, mumbling a shameful “Thank you,” turned around and left Harvey’s office without meeting his or Donna’s eyes.  
He had messed up.  
A lesson learnt.  
Instead of easing into it, he had overdosed on power play last night and found out the hard way that he shouldn’t have toyed with his own emotions. Now he felt exhausted, empty and confused but at the same time still floaty and high and needy for more. 

***

Mike’s apartment had never been particularly big but today he felt as if he couldn’t fill out the space. Everywhere he looked, there was emptiness. It was screaming at him that he needed to fill the void inside but he didn’t know what to do. Harvey had sent him home and the only person he would want to talk to about what was going on inside his system was a man he didn’t really know yet. He couldn’t deal with it. It hurt his head and shredded him to pieces.  
Damn, he should have slept last night, he was such a failure.  
_Stop it, Mike. Get a grip…_  
He rested the back of his head against the door and looked around as if a second inspection could change anything about the state his place was in. 

He couldn’t be alone. No. Shit. He knew he had promised Harvey never to contact Trevor again but… his friend was the only person who knew how to deal with him when he had an episode like this. It had been a long time since he’d been stuck on a bad trip (one that Trevor had bought in the first place, he should add…), but this came very, very close. 

After trying to talk himself out of it all day, he had to admit that he hadn’t cried because he was coming home, he hadn’t been all over the place because he had slept too little. No, he indeed experienced something he had read about in communities online years ago but completely dismissed so far. Sub drop. Sub. Drop. The feeling of being thrown from an aero plane without a parachute - at least that’s how someone online once described it. He hadn’t actually believed that could happen to anyone who’s just fooling around online. But that was the problem: This wasn’t fooling around. He had already admitted to himself that it was serious business. He had opened up to a stranger, bared himself and after a very intense scene, had just tried to flip a switch and go back to normal. That obviously hadn’t worked. He felt seriously depressed, most likely resulting from the crash of adrenaline and endorphins - was that any wonder? He had been excited and it had been his very first scene.  
Of course his hormones were all over the place.  
Of course he had needed to function at work and messed with his body by excusing himself to the loo way too many times to jerk off and get the level back up again. God, he was such an idiot, why couldn’t he take better care of himself? Shit. What could he do now?

He took out his phone with trembling hands, feeling fresh tears well up and googling symptoms and treatment. One look at the list of symptoms of[the BDSM Wiki](http://bdsmwiki.info) made so many things crystal clear, he could check the majority for himself.

__**Symptoms**  
The symptoms of drop will generally set in within 24-72 hours after an intense scene in which endorphins and adrenaline received a spike commonly associated with sub/top space, and thus will result in a crash with symptoms reminiscent of depression which may include:  
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions **(check!)**  
Fatigue and decreased energy **(check!)**  
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness **(check!)**  
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism  
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping **(semi check because the lack of sleep resulted from still being aroused)**  
Irritability, restlessness **(check!)**  
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex  
Overeating or appetite loss **(check! He had hardly touched the snacks his Dom had wanted him to eat)**  
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment **(check on the headaches!)**  
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings **(biggest CHECK of them all)**  
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts 

His eyes restlessly ran over the tips for treatment but he was far too upset to really take them in. Some of them said “good aftercare” and he just snorted. Yeah. Well. Too late for that one now, right? He couldn’t blame his Dom. He had checked on him and had told him to snack enough and drink, he had even mentioned that for scientific reasons he should eat something sweet - and Mike had just shrugged it off. Now he was the one to blame for crashing as hard as he had. Contacting him was also out of question, they hardly knew each other and had just started scening, he really didn’t want him to think that Mike was too weak for this because there was nothing he wanted more right now than giving this a proper try. 

_“If they are unavailable or it is inappropriate to contact them, spend time with or call a friend or loved one.”_

FUCK THIS SHIT! He scrolled through his contacts and called Trevor before he could change his mind. Trev was the only person who wouldn’t ask weird questions and just let him be the way he was.  
And that’s exactly what happened. There were no hard feelings, no ’You haven’t contacted me’s,’, no nothing. He had a feeling that his friend was relieved to hear from him and not because he had any ulterior motives, just because he had missed him. 

When he opened the door and pulled him into a hug, his “Mike Ross, you look like shit. Slick shit, but shit nonetheless” made him crave human contact so much that he almost felt like holding him so tight that his bones broke but of course he wouldn’t do that (was that even humanly possible?). He mumbled against his shoulders “I know I said I couldn’t talk to you again but Christ, I…”  
Trev pulled back slightly and patted his shoulder “Calm down, man. I brought beer!” He held up a six-pack and before he knew it, they were both sitting on the couch, talking for hours, Trevor was laughing a lot and tried to get him to join in and he slowly but steadily warmed up to the idea of having his friend around. Every now and again, a new wave crashed right on top of him, threatening to wash him away with tears but he swallowed them down. And with each one of them, it got easier. He could do this. He could totally handle it. He was above all of this. Emotions. Hormones. Depression. He could do it… 

Okay, he hadn’t quite planned on kissing Trevor, maybe he had felt more needy than he had realized before. Shifting closer also hadn’t been on his list, neither had moaning into his mouth qualified as best idea of the century but he could feel every cell of his body slowly recharging, lifting him up and giving him positive energy to continue. Everything would be okay. He could survive this. When they both realized how needy Mike was, leaning into the kiss, soaking it all up, they pulled back, panting and staring into each other’s eyes, both shaking their heads.  
“Not cool…” Trevor was the first to speak, breathless, horny.  
“Definitely not cool…” Mike replied and tried to shake off the feeling of want. He got to his feet and ran his hands through his hair and mumbled “Maybe you should go…”  
Trevor nodded immediately and mumbled “Maybe I should… I’ll call you… get yourself a girlfriend.”  
Mike blinked and nodded “Yeah…” 

The moment his old friend had left his apartment, Mike got ready for bed. It was only eight-something but he was confused, his brain couldn’t compute anything that had happened today and he needed something to hold onto. He opened his Tumblr, browsed and reblogged some pictures but more often than not, his mouse clicked onto kneelandmoanthankyou’s user name and his profile. He stared at the image, wondering again if it was him, deciding once more that it wasn’t. He wanted to spam him, wanted his attention, his affirmation. Anything. Everything. He couldn’t do this. God, what the hell was happening to him? No. Wrong. Why the hell was sub drop happening to him?!

He had found an image of a guy in a white shirt who pulled a naked man close to him with his tie during his lunch break that he had shared with his dom with the line

_jokersprey: Lunchbreak thoughts, @kneelandmoanthankyou #ties can and should be used universally_

Maybe he was too clingy hanging onto him like that, especially considering that this was a trial period but he’d needed something, a fix. God, he was addicted. And Mike was so incredibly ecstatic that his Dom had actually replied.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: @jokersprey. You call that a tie?_

What was that all about? Why was everyone on about the width of a tie? He could team up with Harvey… It’s the pattern that counted, right? Mike shook his head in amusement. He was tipsy and felt bold and lost his submissive touch writing in his typical Mike Ross manner.

_jokersprey: What is it about ties….. What would you call it? #skinny ties are young and trendy_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I’d call it a menace..and the only way I would allow you to wear that thing around your neck was if I was using it to drag you to the nearest dumpster to get rid of it._

_A good tie is one that reflects the standards of the man wearing it #lesson #take notes_

_jokersprey: I disagree. But the image of you dragging me somewhere by my tie is something I thoroughly enjoy._

_I always assumed: Dom = wide tie. sub = skinny tie (or most likely none). Wrong, I take it. #takes notes #drag me around_

_kneelandmoanthankyou I see that you need some help controlling your tongue. I’ve for just the thing for that #mouthy boys get gagged_

Mike’s eyes widened in shock and anticipation. Gagging, that was a whole new level and he couldn’t wait to give it a try but instead of saying something appreciative and submissive, his fucked up hormones combined with his drunk state resulted in a reply he would regret very shortly:

_jokersprey: Oh yeah? Wouldn’t it be sad if I couldn’t use my mouth for other things? #just saying_

Had Mike been sober, he’d have realized immediately that this would get him into trouble but since he was intoxicated, high on weird emotions and still fucked up from what had just happened with Trevor, he was completely oblivious to it. That’s why he didn’t take his Dom’s reply “PM now!” as a threat or warning but looked forward to reading the message. 

That changed very quickly.  
Never before had Mike sobered up as quickly as he had in this very second because kneelandmoanthankyou had written a message he would never forget and that would burn itself into his skull as a warning forever:

_kneelandmoanthankyou: You have me seriously reconsidering my contract. Let me show you how serious I can be. There is such a thing as going too far. If you were here, I would bend you over my knees and spank you until you couldn't say anything but please. But since I'm not._  
Let's see how you enjoy silence. No posting, no messaging.  
I will contact you when I am ready to hear your apology.  
Oh and along with that, no coming. 

Mike panicked. After everything he had experienced today, he couldn’t see himself without any contact for a day. Or two. Or how long it would take to make things right again. He hadn’t been serious, he had just fooled around! In a way, he was very happy right now: His Dom took this as seriously as Mike did. But on the other hand he had seriously pissed him off by being noisy and selfish and cheeky. He just hoped that he wouldn’t be angry at him forever. He needed to play. And he needed kneelandmoanthankyou to forgive him.  
Oh God. He hated silence.  
And patience. He didn’t have any. The other man knew.  
And Mike was aware that he had chosen the silent treatment as punishment exactly because of that.  
And he hadn’t said that he would never contact him again. He would.  
God.  
Christ.  
No.  
_Don’t do this to me…_ He silently pleaded staring at the screen. He couldn’t even say sorry. He couldn’t do anything but ignore the page. Never post. Never do anything. Not touch himself.  
The latter seemed the easiest task right now. He didn’t feel like touching himself. He was depressed and had just seriously fucked things up. Why would he want to reward himself with an orgasm? He didn’t deserve it.  
Mike stared at the screen in disbelief again and hoped and prayed that this hadn’t ended before it had started.  
He shut down the computer, put it on his nightstand and curled up in a ball.  
He had been bad to his Dom.  
He had disappointed and let down Harvey.  
He felt pathetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, my dear friends, you will have to wait.  
> Unlike Mike, you know that I'll only be gone for a bit more than a week, so expect something by the beginning of August. I love writing this story (which doesn't mean I don't care about my other works but this one took me over more than expected) and I'm glad you enjoy reading it. xxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have been incredible so far, the comments I have received have made me grin like an idiot for days. Thank you so much! I'm back from my little trip and will try to update once a week, I hope that's alright with you - I have two other rather long stories and I want to juggle them all simultaneously (if possible). I would like to thank Novemberhush for beta'ing this, it was a bit of a rough chapter to piece together but she was incredibly patient with me. Sairyn has been a muse for this fic and without her it wouldn't be possible, so special credits to her for that one!!!

Seven days.   
No message.   
Still no message. No. Message. No. Sign. No. Nothing.  
His Dom had made it quite clear that he didn’t want to be contacted in the meantime. He would tell him when he’d be ready to hear an apology. Until then, Mike would be forced to wait.   
Not do anything.   
He would come back, Mike trusted him to come back. He seemed to be a man of his word - so Mike waited. 

One week.  
One entire week.   
Looking back on it, he had an ambivalent feeling about the time. At first he’d sensed such an urge to approach his Dom that he’d doubted he’d survive one single day without talking to him - even though they had just ’met’. Their shared moments had been so intense that they’d branded themselves into the back of his skull and were nagging him every waking minute. The silence was unbearable, Mike found himself checking his Tumblr account way too obsessively and knew that he behaved like an addict waiting for a fix. Needing to express his utter appreciation and thankfulness for what he had been allowed to learn. 

First Day.   
Second Day   
Since Mike also didn’t have permission to post anything on his blog, he didn’t browse pages by other BDSM enthusiasts either because without being allowed to come or share what he had found - what was the point? It would only frustrate him. But what he had done was install the Tumblr app on his phone - hidden away in some folder with system related apps that nobody would quite consider opening. That way he’d be notified about new posts addressed to him - or even more importantly PMs. It was kinda risky of course, what if he did indeed receive a message while his phone was unlocked?   
By now he didn’t really care anymore if he was honest. He just wanted to hear from Kneel… 

Mike was still in free fall, desperately trying to find something or someone to cling onto. Unfortunately, Harvey was in a very bad mood, so he couldn’t even banter with his boss without pissing him off so profoundly that he snapped at him - and not in the good way.   
The beginning of that week was more of a blur to him now, morphed together in some at first very dark and unpleasant experience. More than once he had considered breaking it off, accepting that this wasn’t for him, that he didn’t have the patience and definitely hated the depression it had caused him. But truth be told there was this tiny voice inside of him that didn’t want to go back. Never again. He had had a taste of what it could be like and wanted more. Needed more. It was who he was, it defined him - at least to a great extent - and if those negative effects came with the emotional high he had felt earlier, he wouldn’t just give up without a fight. 

When his hormones were finally balanced out, life looked much better. After two, three days, he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he finally allowed himself a moment to ponder on the lesson his Dom wanted him to learn. He had seriously overstepped a boundary and this was his punishment. He needed it to reassess what this was about, who held which role and why, and to accept that he had seriously endangered what they possibly could have. His stupid mouth had been too quick, too cheeky; he had been too obstreperous. Not sub material. And even after only having exchanged a few messages in the past, his Dom had known that silent treatment would be the most effective way of disciplining him.

Coming to terms with his punishment, Mike’s hormones decided to have a little resurgence and get all excited about being back in the game. Boy, now that his depression had finally bid farewell, it had been replaced by a much more enjoyable cocktail of testosterone and endorphins. 

Still it didn’t change anything about his determination not to betray his Dom’s trust. He could have easily made himself come over the course of the week and lie about it in their next session but every single time his hand had come even remotely close to his crotch, he’d imagined strict eyes on him, scolding him. A shake of the head to demonstrate disappointment. Like a jolt of electricity striking him with full impact, forcing him to stop what he had been tempted to do. He wanted to be a good boy.   
He would be a good boy.  
 _Don’t. Come. Don’t even touch yourself._

So Mike had squirmed in his chair and tried not to cause too much friction every time he had felt himself harden again.  
At first, he had worn especially tight briefs to keep his dick in check but when he noticed that he got off on the naughty feeling of being that restricted, he realized how counterproductive and distracting that was. He could hardly work through his files and his cranky boss had snapped at him a couple of times, reminding him to stay on the case and do his goddamn job.   
Big fail.

Second approach: Doing pretty much the opposite. He wore the loosest trousers he could get away with to hide the bulge in his pants but since he concluded that his efforts were futile, he walked around as little as possible all day and tried to hide the pinkish color of his face by resting his forehead in his palms as he pretended to be lost in concentration - while in reality all he could think of was how horny he had become by now, how desperate and how much he needed his Dom to finally talk to him again and grant him release. For how much longer did he intend on keeping it up?   
Impressive how his mood had gone from grim to ecstatic in the course of half a week! More than once he needed to remind himself where his priorities lay - he loved and needed this job and wanted to impress Harvey. Real life was more important. Would always be. It wasn’t like his Dom wasn’t real but more than anything he was a fantasy - and a safe ground to test his own weird thoughts. Even though things had just become a lot more complicated when Mike had acknowledged how much he was already craving these sessions.

 

Seven nights.  
Eight days.   
Mike stretched and sat up on his bed, he really needed to get his shit together. There had been a life before indulging in this lifestyle, he just had to remind himself of that fact. He put on some music on his phone and pushed himself out of bed, running around with too much energy, staring down at his mocking cock, muttering “Yeah, right, I know you’re there, get a life, seriously.”, shaking his head at the idea of just having talked to his hard-on. He took a cold shower to freeze his erection to death, got dressed for work, walked around, collected some of the clothes he had carelessly scattered all over his place and put them away while he was softly humming to himself. He could do this. He so could do this. He was strong. He was determined. He had dealt with difficult situations before. Bring on the challenge!

When he heard a loud messenger sound he had previously only known from his laptop, his heart skipped a beat. Did it mean what he thought it meant?! He quickly rushed from the living room area back to his nightstand and grabbed his phone, frantically opening the Tumblr app. His Dom had not only posted an image saying “I’m ready to hear your apology now” but also sent a PM starting with

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: Are you ready to apologize?_.

Mike stared at the screen in disbelief, he froze for a second, a wave of emotions washed over him and he let them take their toll on him. His heart was racing, the blood rushing in his ears and for a moment he felt so dizzy that he could hardly remember where he was.   
Or who.   
Or why.   
His fingers felt too clumsy for his little cell screen, so he bent over to the other side of the bed and reached for his laptop, opened it and typed as quickly as his fingers allowed. 

_jokersprey: YES, Sir. God, I am so incredibly sorry. You have no idea, how very sorry I am. I have been thinking about you all week, wondering how I could make it up to you, expressing my gratitude for everything you've done for me so far and offering myself to you in all ways you consider suitable and I just want you to know that I was very much out of line. I was foolish and selfish and took too much for granted. Please forgive me. Please. I'm at your feet, ready to accept anything from you. Just... I'm sorry. So sorry._

 

Mike gaped at his own words, almost bewildered by what he had written. He had had these kind of thoughts all week but to read them back like that made them so real.   
And him so desperate and dependent.   
And it scared him a little but if he didn’t give this a chance now, he never would. Somehow his Dom must have felt his train of thoughts because he replied

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Are you sure? Because if we are going to do this, you need to know going in, I expect obedience. And trust me...good boys get rewarded. Do you want to be my good boy?_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. I am sure, I wasn't taking it seriously enough before you made me see what disobedience could do to me. It was a game. But then when you punished me with silence, I realized it wasn't a game. It was fucking real. And I want it to be real. And I want to be your good boy. I'm craving to be. Please. Give me another chance. I'll do everything I can to pleasure you. In every single way you want me to._

While he allowed himself a little longer to reply this time, not wanting to rush things in a direction that might make his Dom have second thoughts, he saw that he had a new message in the inbox he had specifically set up for his ’dark account’. So he clicked on the icon the moment he had sent the PM and found a file named “Dominant/submissive contract”. For a second, he forgot to breathe because he knew what this meant. They were going steady.   
He had passed the trial period - for now.   
Despite his attitude.   
He opened it immediately while he waited for the next reply. He scanned quickly but efficiently through the contract, it was set up very professionally and he couldn’t help but feel a little aroused by all the legal talk. 

The first section was pretty basic, it simply stated that they would review their document after a trial period to see if anything important was missing and apart from that simply dealt with general points such as that both parties agreed upon this of their own free will. The next paragraphs made him so desperate for more. 

_”sub agrees to_

_(…)_

_2\. Obey, without question, any order given him by Dom (again, within the limits)._

_(…)_

_4\. Accept any punishments awarded him for failure to obey orders. (Excepting that he may, at any time, ask for an explanation of the punishment.)_

_(…)_

_6\. Obey any instructions given him as to orgasm control exercises, clothing etc. This may be in the form of telephoned or mailed instructions, during the day, while Dom is at the office.”_

Mike inhaled sharply when he realized that the first thing he had been thinking of reading that particular paragraph was Harvey sitting in his office, that smug expression on his face and talking on the phone to him, giving him explicit instructions, not caring that Donna could possibly (and would most likely) be listening in.  
Fuck.  
He really needed to get that part of himself under control. This was bordering obsession. Things could never ever be that way. And since when had he allowed himself to name the beast by its name: That he was totally and utterly at Harvey’s mercy should his boss ever decide to suddenly swing both ways…  
Mike tried to blink that thought away. It was a work day, he couldn’t think of Harvey knowing he’d see him in less than two, three hours. His favorite paragraph in Section 3 was definitely § 6 “Dom agrees to use sub extensively and well.” He was in for a hell of a ride! His limits were listed as were a couple of playing options that were still up for debate - rape role play for example - but the legal work was definitely state of the art and covered everything that it needed to cover. The guy on the other side of the screen seemed to be a professional - either that or he had played extensively in his life. Both possibilities were hellishly exciting. 

Tumblr made another sound, his Dom (whose name had magically transformed to ’Neal’ in his head because it sounded less inhumane than ’Kneel’, even though his real name was probably something simple like Peter or Andy) had sent another message. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Did you read over the contract I sent you? It outlines the terms of our partnership. Know that I will ask things of you, push you beyond where you thought you could go, I will ALWAYS respect the limits we agree upon and I expect you to use your safe words if you are in any way, shape or form uncomfortable. Do you have any questions for me?_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir, I read the contract and it sounds perfect. I am ready for this and I want to serve you, be your obedient sub and worship my Dom within the limits we agreed upon. No questions, just... Thank you. For accepting my apology._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good Boy_

Mike sat on the edge of his bed and felt a shiver run through his entire body. That ’Good boy’ was what he had missed most. So badly. He swallowed and gnawed on his bottom lip as he thanked Neal, his Dom, once more. It still felt like a dream and he was scared to wake up anytime soon. If he engaged in this properly now, he’d probably be late for work and piss Harvey off even more but he also couldn’t just run off because that might destroy things for good. So he asked if he could do anything to atone for the mistakes he had made one week before. Neal answered quickly and wanted to know if he had a mirror and had ever watched himself come. Reading the words “watched yourself come” made him completely hard again - so much for freezing his erection to death… He glanced at the mirror at the other side of the room and anticipated His instructions with an almost unhealthy force. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: You are mine now. And I want to know what it looks like when you come. So I want you to go to your mirror- stroke yourself until you are nice and hard for me. Slow and easy, until you are dripping wet for me. And when you don't think you can hold off any longer, I want you to make yourself come. Keep your eyes open the entire time. Imagine me, standing behind you, watching you, catching your eyes in the mirror. If you are already working, you may defer until you get home. Then I want you to message me and tell me in detail from start to finish about your experience. Can you do that?_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. I can and I will do it straight away. Do you want me to strip naked or just pull my pants down to my ankles? What would please you most?_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: This first time…you do not have to get naked._

_jokersprey: Okay, Sir. Thank you, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: And if I am satisfied, I will reward you. So if I were you, junior, I wouldn't make this some quick hand job._

Mike hastily pushed his laptop aside and almost stumbled over his own feet as he made his way to the mirror, at the same time pulling down his pants. His underwear got stuck around his knees but he couldn’t be bothered to pull it down any further, he had waited for this climax for over a week, nothing else mattered now! He stared into his eyes, following Neal’s orders with a determination, almost stubbornness. Not closing his eyes when the lust took over was the hardest part and seeing how the pink in his cheeks got darker and darker the longer he touched himself did something to him that he’d never forget.   
He tried to drag it out which was extremely challenging because Jesus Christ, he needed this so incredibly much that he almost felt ready to kill anyone who’d stop him from having it in that very moment. When he came and looked into his own eyes, feeling a presence in the room, he couldn’t stop himself from moaning “Thank you” over and over again, feeling his legs giving in under him and he let himself fall flat onto the mattress with his clothes still wrapped around ankles and knees. He chuckled ecstatically to himself and shook his head, rubbing his face with his clean hand. 

After taking a couple of deep breaths, he felt composed enough to get up, clean his hand on a towel he had missed during his clean up spree earlier and grinned all over his face as he dressed himself again. He sat down on the edge of his bed, quickly checking how much time he still had before telling his Dom that he had completed his task.  
When Neal demanded to get a detailed description of what had just happened, Mike’s eyes widened. He hadn’t written these kind of things down in the past, not really anyway, just brief messages, just a little teasing - but to put in words what had just happened… He wasn’t sure he could do that.   
Neal trusted that he could.   
So he closed his eyes for a brief second and tried to put himself into a mood that would allow him to be brutally honest. The words that he let float out now would not be corrected, read over or anything. Otherwise Mike would never dare to post them in cyberspace where he was aware of the realistic chance that somebody might save and use them against him at some point.   
No.   
That would not happen.   
_Trust. Let go. Be yourself._

_jokersprey: I was dressed for work, wearing a suit, the trousers around my ankles, my briefs around my knees. I looked at myself in the mirror and could tell how aroused I was, how thankful that you gave me that chance, how excited, too. I was already semi-hard when I stood there at the prospect of all the things about to come and stared into my own eyes, as I imagined your shadow behind me. I wrapped my hand around my cock and started pumping slowly, still looking at myself. When my eyes threatened to flutter shut as I imagined you standing there, observing everything I did, your breath hitting the back of my neck, I forced them open and licked over my bottom lip before I gnawed on it. I realized that when I came closer and I was leaking, my cheeks got flushed and my eyes seemed to almost change color to something brighter. I never would have guessed... I let out a tiny moan and whispered 'Thank you...' more to myself but of course directed to you. I hope I was a good boy for you, Sir... If not, I'll learn, I promise._

Without thinking about it twice, Mike pressed the ’Enter’ button and sent it, no way back.   
Oh God.   
He had written this.   
Practically to a stranger.   
Oh.   
God.   
His breathing became a little irregular as he felt panic rise for a split second. Which was immediately replaced by utter pride when he read 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: very, very, Good Boy. You have pleased me very much today. I am sending over something for you- find a way to add it to your blog. Something to let everyone know you are taken, you are owned, you are MINE_

…and then Neal had sent him a collar! He couldn’t believe it! He reblogged it and made a mental note to find a way to integrate it into his layout later that night. Life was perfect. Goddamn perfect!   
He jumped to his feet, moving too quickly, clumsily dropping his cell phone and putting the music back on, dancing through the room as he fixed his skinny tie and put on his shoes. Yes. Yes! Someone found him worthy enough to be his sub.   
He. Was. Fucking. Owned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [this](http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/2009/2/Long-Distance-slave-contract.htm) website for an idea of what to put in the contract.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd like to thank Dee and Nette. This story will eventually kill me ;) But I'm glad you like it!

The next two weeks were a blur. Neal didn’t contact him but he didn’t really mind because this time he knew that it wasn’t any kind of punishment, He was possibly just busy. Or maybe it was a test to see if Mike was clingy? Whatever it was, he didn’t send him a PM either, just did one or two odd reblogs. And that was okay. Really, it was. Maybe it even was for the better, that way he wouldn’t get lost too much in his own headspace and drop the way he did last time. Instead he did a lot of reading, you could never have too much theoretical knowledge - right?   
Well, maybe you could.   
Maybe it could destroy spontaneity.   
Maybe.   
But he was just too excited, he wanted to know everything and soaked up every new piece of information like a sponge. 

There were communities online, websites, blogs - hell, there was so much to see and read and hear. Experience. Some things were off limits, even though he was a generally curious person but as soon as real animals or children were involved, he wouldn’t even touch it with a stick.   
But also age play.   
Creepy.   
Grownups spending a session in diapers - alright, whatever rocks your boat. But actually using them. For real. And ‘daddy’ changing the diapers. Ehm. Weird?!  
Puppy play on the other hand...  
Mike gnawed on his bottom lip to hide the grin when he realised that his mind was going places again. In this very moment, he should be working on a case. With Harvey. They were busy these days, even if he had wanted to check for messages from Neal (there weren’t any, his phone hadn’t made that particular sound in a while), he doubted he could have found a single second to spare to do so. So in the end, he was quite happy that they weren’t that attached to each other (yet), it could have caused a serious… conflict of interest. 

“Rookie, whatever you’re thinking of right now, it’s definitely not the case. Unless you have a kink for 90 year old widows that you haven’t told me about. Anything I should know?” Harvey teased him as he turned a page in the fourth revision of a contract they had gone over way too many times this week. Mike knew it by heart and it baffled him slightly that Harvey didn’t by now, too. 

For a second, Mike’s face turned a slight shade of pink. _Anything he should know about? Oh Harvey, don’t get me started._ “Oh shit, I must have forgotten to tell you about my GILF kink during our extensive job interview, can you add it to the list of ‘definite yes-es’?”

“Gilf?” Harvey tilted his head curiously but he figured it out the same moment that Mike opened his mouth so they ended up grinning at each other like school boys, saying “Grandma I’d like to fuck.” with the exception that Harvey widened his eyes and subsequently shuddered “Christ, Mike…” 

Mike rubbed his hot face and chuckled, shaking his head “Oh God, I wish I hadn’t said that, my mind just went places…” 

Harvey smirked contently and bit the end of his pen “Well, better get back to the draft. I know how to punish you now,” he paused, looked at him dangerously and whispered, “I’ll just whisper ‘granny panties’ every time your mind wanders off again.”

When Harvey’s eyes had sparkled at him just a second ago, Mike could hardly keep it together. He was a puddle of something, anything, nothing, all at once and nothing at all at the same time. But as soon as the moment was there, it had vanished again, replaced by very unpleasant images that indeed made him shake off any dirty thoughts. He swallowed, shook his head and sighed “Jesus, Harvey…” 

They worked in silence for hours, but somehow Harvey never sent him away. He wanted him in his room, on this couch, in sight and Mike loved it. He couldn’t even explain what it was that made him enjoy these moments so profoundly. It stirred something up inside of him.  
Maybe it was the fact that Harvey sat in his chair. Like on a throne. Confident. Definitely in charge.  
While he was sitting lower, on this couch, with slightly bent knees and upper body.  
Maybe it was the fact that usually Harvey was the one who initiated conversation unless Mike found something worth pointing out. Or the fact that it was usually Harvey who summoned him over and asked him to sit there until he’d eventually dismiss him.   
Of course it also made him feel special that Harvey didn’t do that with anyone else. Just him. Only him.   
And Mike also wouldn’t do this for anyone else. Not Jessica, definitely not Louis.   
Just Harvey. Only Harvey.  
That’s what made them such a great team.  
And that’s what made this whole thing so. So. Enticing.

“Granny panties…” Mike heard a voice close to his ear and jumped. “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, HARVEY!” He held his hand over his racing heart and tried to relax. He hadn’t even noticed that his boss had gotten up and walked around the room, let alone sneaked up behind him. 

Harvey slapped him briefly across the back of his head with the rolled draft and shook his head. “Mike. I know this isn’t very stimulating to your super brain but it’s important we go over this! Go, take a break, grab some coffee, walk around the block but when you’re back I want 200 percent. You got me?”   
Mike’s heart was still beating rapidly against his chest and Harvey’s attitude just made it worse. God, he really needed to pull himself together. He shouldn’t want his boss telling him off…  
He jumped to his feet before something embarrassing happened, mumbled “Got you. Five minutes!” and raced out of the room and into the bathroom. Just when he had locked himself into a stall, his phone made a sound.   
Bing.  
What? Now?   
He rested against the wall and fumbled nervously until he had finally opened Tumblr and read

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: When you get home tonight shower and eat a small meal. When you are fed and cleaned, remain nude. I want you to kneel in a comfortable place where you can reach your computer screen and keys. When you are there and settled, PM me_

Wow.   
Mike read that message about three times before he decided he needed to put his phone away or he’d never be able to face Harvey again. He was very aware of the tent in his trousers and decided to take care of it quickly and efficiently. Mike pulled his pants down to his ankles and closed his eyes, imagining Neal watching him now, His eyes were everywhere, He mumbled that he was a good boy, that he was His, that he would always be His. That Mike was owned. He imagined wearing his collar, being at his service, kneeling before him, being ready, wanting; a good sub. Yes. He could do it.   
But Neal suddenly had a face.   
A face he knew very well.  
 _No.  
Bad idea. Very bad idea, Mike. Extremely bad idea.   
Don’t think of Harvey. Not now. Just don’t. He is waiting in that room. You will have to go back into that room. He’ll want your full attention - on the case. On that draft. You can make him proud - by doing a good job. So be the fucking lawyer he employed. _  
WHO was he kidding? The moment he allowed himself to fantasize of the man he had wanted to be with from the first day he saw him, he came into his hand and shook his head at his own stupidity. He cleaned himself quickly and tried to make it back into that office with the amazing view without being too obvious about what had just happened. 

“Ready for round two?” Harvey asked as he sat back down on the couch, hardly daring to look up and into the other man’s eyes.  
“Ready,” Mike heard himself say, not quite sure what that meant. 

***

The rest of the day had been surprisingly uneventful. Mike had pulled himself together, wanting to finish work before midnight so he wouldn’t leave Neal waiting. That had resulted in a pretty swift and focused afternoon and early evening, so that they were done quicker than expected. Harvey obviously credited it to his little speech and slap, his smug face gave him away.   
If only he knew… 

Mike opened the door to his apartment, put his messenger bag on the couch, and started stripping immediately. He was humming happily to himself. Yes, their afternoon had been good. And his evening would get even better! He’d learn something tonight, he could feel it! He made his way into the kitchen, opened the fridge and peeked inside. Had Neal texted him instructions on whether he was allowed to drink or not? He checked the note in front of his inner eye. No. He hadn’t. But he also hadn’t given him permission to drink.   
Hmm.  
He decided against it. Better safe than sorry.  
He took out some chocolate but guessed that ‘small meal’ rather meant something proper, so he went for cereals instead. He had run out of milk but that didn’t really bother him, he snacked them straight from the box while he made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower so the water could heat up - some day he would finally fix the pipes, or rather have them fixed before he flooded his entire place…Mike walked around, still very satisfied and giddy, eating and still humming to himself, put the box aside, stripped naked and jumped under the shower where he sang a song he had heard somewhere but didn’t recognize (that - or he had just written his first hit). He dried himself off, went through the PM in his head once more to make sure he was doing exactly as briefed, grabbed his laptop and put it on the coffee table before he knelt down on the carpet, opening the chat window.

_Jokersprey: I am home, Sir._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Thank you. Now here are your instructions. If I were there, I would blindfold you, and tie your hands. Then look over your position._

_When we begin you will not speak. You will use R, Y, G to indicate how you are feeling. G- green means you are good, Y- yellow means you are close to not being okay and R- red means we stop everything.  
Do you understand these rules as I have explained them- you may answer normally._

_Jokersprey: Yes, Sir. I understand._

Mike swallowed hard, his throat was already dry. He considered getting up to fetch some water but in a way that would be cheating and destroy the mood, so he just stayed right where he was and waited for what would happen next. He was excited, this sounded like a proper scene. With safe words and everything. When Neal called him a ‘good boy’ and asked him if he was ready to begin, his heart almost jumped out of his chest, he could feel it beating all the way to his throat. 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy  
I would inspect your position. Rise from my chair and slowly circle you.  
I would run my hand along your spine to see that your back is completely straight_

Was he supposed to reply? Say anything? Show that he was still there and enjoying this? He was probably overthinking this but just to be on the safe side, he gave Neal a ‘G’, feeling a tiny bit stupid about it the second he had done it because of course this would be a ‘G’, there was nothing threatening or dangerous about an inspection, was there? Still, he could feel himself shiver, he sensed eyes on him, checking on him, evaluating him. His cock twitched.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Your skin would be pristine, smelling fresh of your soap.  
I would lean in close to inhale your scent. You are my prize… so beautiful and perfect in your nakedness.  
Would your skin prickle with the feel of my suit across your flesh?_

Mike swallowed hard. He had such a thing for being naked while his Dom was dressed (especially in a suit!) that he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body with full force. He gnawed on his lip, trying to keep his breathing somewhat even as he gave Neal another ‘G’ - with exclamation marks. 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I haven’t asked a question- there is nothing for you to respond too.  
For that I will back away… give you space you do not want_

Oh God, he was fucking it up again. He needed to work on this. Follow Neal’s commands. Be more submissive, less… him. No, not true. Less loud. Less cocky. But still very him. That was what this was about, wasn’t it?

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: Are you ready to try again? What is your color?_

‘G’ from him, he needed this. So badly. Neal started typing again. 

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy. Maintain your position- and your silence.  
I would stand above you, remind you your place is at my feet.  
Lean down close to your ear... shall I tell you all the naughty things I want to do to you...  
Tell you how I plan on moving in close behind you… so close I can feel your heat.  
Grab my flogger and drag it across your skin… slowly… with nothing but anticipation.  
I can smell your arousal… your desire that is itching beneath the surface.  
I would move in front of you and give you your first order... undo my belt and pants.   
What is your color?_

It surprised Mike how often and regularly Neal asked for his colour but it calmed him down, too. It was good to know that the other man cared. And that He wanted him to enjoy this. That He didn’t do this simply to get off, no, He wrote this in a way that was intense for both of them. He wanted to tell Him so many things, let Him know what this did to him, that being reduced to a simple ‘G’ was frustrating but so fucking hot at the same time. His fingers automatically typed ‘G’ by now. He was past thinking.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Good.  
I would have you undo my zipper and take my dick out- but leave my pants on.  
You once told me it would be a shame to waste your mouth with a gag. I am thinking of testing that theory.  
If I were to look down, would I see you be hard; would your cock be standing at attention for me?  
Keep still, I can just imagine you squirming at my words, at my desire._

FUCK, was He reading his thoughts? Had He crawled into his brain, retrieved all information before planting new thoughts and fantasies right in there? He was so fucking hard at the idea of being gagged by this man. And in a way he was. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t say anything.   
When Mike heard a tiny whining sound, it took him a moment to make it out as his. He ran his sweaty palm along his neck and tried to keep his breathing steady and his pulse somewhat under control.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I would ask you to open wide… and get me nice and wet. Let's see what that pretty mouth of yours can do. Suck.  
What’s your color?_

_Jokersprey: G!_

G. G. G. ALWAYS G. FUCK IT. Mike bit hard on his bottom lip and tried to stay on top of things - funny. On top. Well. 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I bet you smell delicious.  
Probably leaking precum all over yourself.  
keep sucking baby… just like that...  
no touching yourself...no squirming...  
Your only job tonight is to suck pretty and listen to my moans as they fill your ears._

Neal knew exactly which buttons to push. Every single one of them. He played him like a fucking violin. He knew every note, every bar, every fucking melody. Oh God. He couldn’t not touch himself. How could he possibly not touch himself? No touching, no talking, no nothing?   
Mike let out a frustrated grunt. His body was shaking but he was still kneeling, not having moved one inch from his initial position.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I would lean down briefly and whisper, “I want to fuck you, open wide." My hands would reach behind you and grab your neck.  
I would fuck your face, your mouth, your throat. Make you take me in so deep tears come to your eyes.  
Such a good boy for me.  
You can do this… I know you can. Such a good boy.  
What's your color?_

Color. What was his color? G!!! It would always be green! How could it be anything else but green? He typed the letter, shaking so badly that he nearly missed the ‘enter’ button. Who was he? What was he? When were they? What? Who cared? Oh God, nothing mattered anymore right now. 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Good, because I can’t hold it any longer… I would pull out at the start of my orgasm and come all over your face, holding you still._

_Fuck yeah, just…. like…. that._

Mike’s eyes were glued to the screen, anticipating, so filled with desire. Everything inside him was burning. The longer he waited for Neal’s reply, the more he seemed to get sucked into it. Something inside him told him that his Dom had just come. That he had made Him come by being obedient. A good boy. He moaned very silently to himself.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: So perfect. Thank you for your submission, your gift._

_I would make you clean me up before having you tuck me back in and refasten my pants.  
You were so good for me. You may touch yourself… you may come, but do not move from your position.  
When you have come, you may speak._

Mike didn’t even stroke himself for longer than a minute. He was so charged, so incredibly aroused beyond a point he hadn't known existed before that he almost came from Neal’s words alone. He collapsed against the couch for a second but sat up straight again immediately, remembering Neal’s order. Oh God.   
Oh fucking Jesus Christ, Mary, Lord, FUCKING God.   
He was allowed to speak now but he wasn’t even sure he still had the ability to. Everything in his head went “G!!!! G-fucking-G!!!!” and it took him a moment to understand what had just happened. He numbly reached for a tissue and cleaned his hand before he quickly typed without thinking.   
He couldn’t think.   
Wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to do that again. 

_Jokersprey: Oh God, Thank you, Sir. Thank you so much.  
It was so difficult not to say anything! I wanted you to know how much I liked it. Thank you for teaching me…_

Putting it into words wouldn’t work so he didn’t even try anymore. The way he had put it was the only way he could think of. When Neal asked him to clean himself up, grab something to drink and put on something warm, he complied - without thinking. That man had done something to his brain, something he would never be able to explain without sounding completely mad, so he just enjoyed the feeling of being taken care of. Of first being used and then rewarded.   
Because his care was rewarding.   
His pride even more so. 

Mike couldn’t stop trembling. It should possibly worry him, but for some odd reason it didn’t. Neal kept checking on him. He made sure Mike followed his orders, drank and rested and goddamnit, he would never disobey those commands again considering what that had done to him last time. Neal knew what to do after a scene. Mike didn’t. He was such a rookie and for once he’d have to trust that somebody else was smarter than him. He wrapped himself up in a blanket after fetching a glass of water and made himself comfortable on the couch, pulling the laptop closer. Neal was praising him. Calling him a good boy. A sweet boy. Thanking him for his submission. And Mike drank it all up. He needed this so badly. The cyber gag was still wearing off, it was odd to suddenly be able to talk again and he tried to express what it did to him after Neal asked him for his experience. 

_Jokersprey: Thank you, Sir. I feel very liberated right now._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: You are very welcome.  
So tell me how you felt being restricted from talking? I have a feeling it was challenging for you._

_Jokersprey: It was very challenging, Sir. As you have noticed, I have a big mouth and having that taken away - it made me feel very helpless. But in a very good way, Sir. It was entirely new and arousing and so very powerful._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: That is normal, what you feel right now is normal.  
Are you still shaky?_

_Jokersprey: A little less, Sir. It's slowly subsiding._

Mike wasn’t lying but something else was slowly creeping up inside of him. Gratitude and… he tried to listen to the voice inside his head… He needed to tell Neal. What had happened last time. Why he was a little worried now. A little… scared would be too much but he still had never told the other man about what had happened that night. And he sensed that this was the right moment. If he didn’t tell Him now, the moment would have passed and he wasn’t sure he could bring it up again. 

_Jokersprey: I have a confession to make, if I may?_

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Yes._

_Jokersprey: Last time, you know, before the punishment? I was very careless about the orders you gave me on snacking and drinking and resting. And I fell into a depression.  
I am sincerely sorry that I disobeyed you!  
It won't happen again, Sir._

Mike swallowed hard. To read it made it all so much more real. He had just written that. Because he had experienced it. It had been there. Real. Very, very real.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: You experienced subdrop?? Why didn't you message me?  
I know you are new to this, but if you ever start to feel that way again, I want you to reach out to me IMMEDIATELY.  
Do you understand me?_

_Jokersprey: It was the night I got drunk and sent you those naughty messages and then you asked me not to talk to you until you were ready to accept my apology and then I didn't think I could.  
Yes, Sir. I understand. I'm sorry. I feel very ashamed of myself for how I was that night._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I don't care what I told you. You come to me!_

The feeling that spread inside of Mike now wasn’t just relief, it was a sense of protection. He was looked after. Neal looked after him. He cared, it wasn’t just fun and games and sex. God, he felt stupid, why hadn’t he talked to his Dom before? Neal was so… So… For a moment, Mike almost said, ‘Neal was so Harvey’. He gasped and rubbed his forehead before pushing the thought away and simply wrapping himself up in a blanket of endorphins. He wasn’t alone. The sense of belonging that overwhelmed him sent shivers down his spine and made the tears jump to his eyes. God, he was such a sissy sometimes. Why was he constantly on the verge of crying these days? 

Neal was very serious now. He told him that He demanded honesty from Mike. That He wanted him to contact Him immediately and always reach out or He’d break it off and Mike understood why He felt the need to do that. This was intense, it could be dangerous and even though Mike knew that he needed it, it could also destroy him. And Neal didn’t want that to happen. Mike promised to be open and the ‘good boy’ he received as an answer in that moment meant so much more than any of those in the scene they had just played. Oh God, he already knew that he was screwed - how could he ever be without this again? 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou:  
My role as Dom is about more than just sex. And you should know that too._

_Jokersprey: I understand that now. I'm taking it way more seriously than I was before the punishment._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: My good boy._

Mike gasped. He took everything back he had thought just a second ago. ‘My good boy’. ‘My’ in combination with ‘good boy’. He almost vanished under his blanket now, suddenly feeling the need to be held. To snuggle up to somebody.   
He’d have to find a substitute for that. Something. Anything. A pillow maybe? 

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Promise me you are going to take it easy tonight. Just because a scene is online doesn't mean it still isn't powerful._

_Jokersprey: I promise. I'll just watch a movie or something. You're really good at this, you know? Am I allowed to say so? I feel safe. Which is odd since we just met. But I do. And if I'm not allowed to say so because it destroys something, let me know and I'll keep it to myself._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: You can say anything. Trust me I will tell you what you are and are not allowed to do.  
I am going to work on a couple of things but check in on you periodically tonight. Are you okay with that?_

_Jokersprey: Thank you, Sir. I am very okay with that._

And Neal did. Mike had put his laptop aside to watch a random DVD (it turned out to be ‘Seven’, not the worst choice even though he didn’t really pay attention) but his phone made the famous “BING” sound every so often. The messages varied from, “Did you snack?” to “Are you resting?” - or simply “How are you feeling?” and even though Mike was still crying and almost cuddled his pillow to death, he felt cared for and overwhelmed with happiness.   
He didn’t quite know what was happening to him but despite everything, he wouldn’t want to give this up for the world.   
...Still he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to not be alone after a scene.  
To have somebody by your side.  
Holding you.   
Caressing your hair.  
Whispering, “My good boy” in your ear.  
And the longing he felt that night was almost killing him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story isn't dead ;) And neither am I. Bayu is finished and I'll concentrate on this next. My job is very busy and will stay that way for the entire year but I'll do my best to not just update once every half year ;)
> 
> Big thank yous are in order again: N and D, without you, this story would *not* be possible!!! We are the Three Naughty Musketeers! (...or was it kinky?)

For the next couple of weeks, Mike was floating on ecstasy. A sense of liberation and self-acceptance spread inside his system, making him a little too cocky at work sometimes and gave him a feeling of invincibility whenever they won a case. It was as if everything in this universe came together, nothing could stop him.

Whenever he could, he’d sneak out to write a little message to Neal and every now and again the other man would reply - not as often as he’d have liked but he was beginning to understand the dynamics a little better. And it made him more and more proud of himself to actually dare to do these things he’d always wanted to do. Or at least try them out in the safe environment that was cyberspace - even though he still missed the physicality and proximity of actual contact.

When he had dressed for work this morning and taken a quick bite, he leant over his laptop and quickly typed a message, in a way just to make Neal see that he was thinking of Him. And he was. His mind was occupied with Him more and more these days - even though it still mixed Harvey in more than Mike liked but he’d accepted it as a given thing, fighting it had proven to be impossible anyway…

_Jokersprey: What's the deal with this 50 Shades of Grey movie? I've never watched it but it keeps crossing my path. Looks terrible._

He closed the device and checked himself one last time in the mirror before he carried his bike downstairs and made his way to work. He didn’t even know why he’d brought that movie up. Possibly just to check out Neal’s taste, to talk about something that wasn’t strictly BDSM, see if that was acceptable.

When he got to the office and turned on his computer, he glanced at his cell just to see that he already had a reply in his Tumblr inbox. Wow. That was fast. Usually, when they weren’t in the middle of a scene, Neal took his time - he seemed to be an extremely busy person. That, or He wanted to test His patience. Possibly a bit of both.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: That crap? Don't waste your time. That's just a poorly written romance story.  
If that's what you are looking for... Then you've come to the wrong place. But if you're curious. If you have a craving for something dark and decadent, like a gnawing in your gut you can no longer ignore… stick around._

Mike kept his gaze down because he was most certainly blushing. He briefly checked his environment for curious looks, was relieved that everyone minded their own business and replied quickly.

_Jokersprey: I will definitely stick around, Sir. I'm in it for the real deal._

The second he had hit the ‘send’ button, his phone went off and slid out of Mike’s fingers. He barely managed to catch it before it hit the ground. The screen read “Harvey Specter” and he replied by return.

“Harvey!”

“Mike, where are you? You should be sitting on my couch at this very moment,” Harvey sounded strict, not pissed off but resolute.

“I… er… was stuck in traffic,” he lied and felt the heat pulsating in his ears. Lying to Harvey was something he was neither good at, nor did he particularly like it but he could hardly admit that he had been held up by exchanging messages with his Dom.

“On your bike,” Harvey remarked drily before hanging up.  
Shit. Shit shit shit.  
One last glance before... He almost felt disappointed not to spot a reply to his last message. Just when he wanted to put his phone away, the famous sound made him smile. He started walking with his eyes glued to the screen.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: We will see if you still feel that way when I have you trembling at my feet while I keep you right on the edge- begging for release._

He swiftly typed while making a beeline for his mentor’s office. Harvey had seemed impatient and not in the mood for any more excuses, so he answered while walking (yes, priorities… he knew that he shouldn’t do this while working but so far it hadn’t blown up in his face and he was having the time of his life).

_Jokersprey: Oh God that sounds like a treat._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: You say that now._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: If you behave...it will be_

_Jokersprey: Thank you, Sir. For considering it._

When he entered the office, Harvey looked up from his computer screen and gave him a look Mike couldn’t read but it quickly made him put his phone away and stand straight.

“Alright, rookie. Now that you finally grace me with your presence, I can tell you what my memo was about,” he stayed in his seat while Mike hadn’t moved one inch, even though he didn’t like what he was learning now - they’d have to fire somebody. Someone who was very much in the same position he was in, Stan Jacobson, a guy who had been assigned as their accountant for many years and done nothing to disqualify himself - apart from lying about his degree.

Mike felt incredibly uneasy and just a couple of months ago, he would have used this opportunity to call it quits, leave and let somebody else deal with this madness. But he couldn’t. He was scarily reminded of his own wrongdoing but his only option right now was to hold on tight and enjoy the ride while it lasted.  
Everything he had and was depended on Harvey. While it usually made him weak in a very positive sense, it terrified him now. And yet it made him want to jump higher, do more, be better. Still… uneasy. Right now he wished he could be with Neal instead. Forget about everything, the stress, this situation, his fear. Just let him guide him and take his mind off of the difficult situation he was in. The constant looking over his shoulder, the guilt, the feeling he didn’t belong in this room.

But he didn’t have the time for that right now - because right now, he needed to fire an older version of himself.

“Mr. Jacobson. Hi. Mike Ross, Harvey's associate. So sorry to keep you waiting. It's just going to be a couple more minutes, okay?” he shook his hand and rushed back to his desk, trying to tackle three things at the same time to keep his mind occupied. _Patience isn’t your strong suit_ , he heard Neal whisper in his ear and tried to better himself.  
Focus.  
Not do five million things at once.  
Be a good associate to Harvey. To the firm. So they couldn’t fire him the way they were going to fire Stan.

With his phone between cheek and shoulder, he simultaneously attacked his keyboard, screw one step at a time…

“Yes, I hear you. Your office couldn't find a copy. Can you tell me the name of the security firm you guys used to do the background check?”

He found the number he needed, made another phone call and managed to get the document he had been looking for faxed to the office.

But no time to relax, there was a job to do. Harvey expected him and Stan Jacobson - and it wouldn’t be pleasant. Everything inside him was burning and he was constantly battling his impulse to flee. Mike inhaled deeply and rolled the fax sheet between his hands before he guided the poor man to his sentencing. Mike felt awful but tried not to let on - neither to Jacobson, nor to Harvey.

“Stan Jacobson,” he announced after coughing briefly and led the man through the glass door into Harvey’s office. He hated every second of this but knew there was no way out of the situation. What had to be done had to be done.

“Why don't I, uh, get us some water?”, he tried to sneak out but in that moment, his boss pulled a typical Harvey Specter move on him that made him go weak immediately. He simply pointed at the couch with a grand gesture, making Mike’s blood boil. God, he didn’t want to just oblige but when the other man looked at him like that, he had such power over him that he could possibly ask him anything and he’d happily do it. He felt like a deer in the headlights as he looked at the couch, back at Harvey and back at the couch, knowing he had to endure this before he swallowed hard and let himself sink down.

One last time, he tried to get away from this situation by exclaiming “I could really use a water,” but the stern look that he was given commanded him to remain seated and Mike gave in and accepted his fate. Usually, this would have been such a turn on, this display of power and dominance - but today it made him rather miserable. His heart was racing, his throat was dry and he felt dizzy. No. Not good. Not good at all. He inhaled deeply to keep his panic at bay.

“Stan, we're not here to go over any accounting business. You're here because you're being let go. It's not going to feel as surprising when you understand why. The firm looked into your background recently. They know you lied about passing the CPA exam. You were hired because of your outstanding credentials and the reality is, they never existed,” Harvey gave Mike the briefest of looks and it was in no way meant to belittle him but in this very moment, it nauseated him. This could easily be him. No doubt at all. Would he have Harvey’s support, no matter what?  
God, he was being unfair. Of course he would…

Poor Stan. The man had worked for the firm for nine years and done a stellar job his entire career and now it was suddenly over. They shouldn’t be the ones doing this to him. And Mike wondered why Harvey had made him sit in on this one. He could have learnt a lesson with every other case, any other termination meeting. Why this one? Why now, when Harvey knew how much this would upset him? Maybe he did this on purpose? Why? So he’d grow from it? Right now, he wasn’t sure.

As if that hadn’t been enough to deal with already, things went from bad to worse. He had just tried to help by acquiring the document he had presented Harvey but apparently that had been the exact opposite of what he should have done. (Okay, to be fair showing a confident document to the person they were about to fire… not the smartest move - but that wasn’t the fucking point!!!) His boss wasn’t just angry, he was fucking pissed.

Later on, Mike tried to pinpoint when exactly it had gone downhill but he couldn’t quite put it into words. He’d just fucking cared! But obviously that wasn’t what Pearson Hardman was all about. And even more disappointing it wasn’t what Harvey had wanted to hear from him either. - This man deserved the job but they weren’t the good guys - they never seemed to be and he freaking hated it.

Mike had worked all afternoon on digging up more evidence to back up the case but Harvey had just commanded “Whatever you're doing, stop.”, taken it from him and scrunched it up without so much as looking at it. Then he’d had ordered him to his office, called him on what he had done and held one of his infamous speeches that affected Mike more than he wanted to let on.

“You need to learn something from what just happened. Not the least of which is how anyone, no matter how valuable, can be let go. I can chalk up what happened with Stan to youthful exuberance, but Jessica can't. So, if you want to work here, you better go home now, because if she sees you…”

That moment - that look in Harvey’s eyes - made Mike aware that Harvey had done it again. He didn’t need to say it, he just knew that Harvey had had his back in front of Jessica. The way he had done so many times before. That he was still protecting Mike in front of her, even though he had fucked it up even in Harvey’s eyes. That he’d always protect him, no matter how often he raised his voice or played indifferent. He wasn’t. But that didn’t mean that he hadn’t been close to being fired that day.  
And they both knew.

***

When he came home that night, he was in such a desperate need of a fix that he ordered pizza, stripped to his boxers and sat down in bed with his laptop ready. He scrolled through his Tumblr account and reblogged a couple of pictures, trying to take his mind off of what had happened that day. Neal was pretty active right now, he had just replied to a couple of images himself and engaged in a conversation with some stranger Mike hadn’t seen before - and he couldn’t quite deny that he felt jealous. He started the messenger and typed rapidly.

_Jokersprey: Your reblogs make me so fucking horny Sir, I feel like such a sex-driven slut right now._

He was already semi-hard and looked around some more, by now he had a couple of favorite blogs that he visited regularly because he knew that spending just a couple of minutes on them would do the trick and make him momentarily forget about work. When he came across the GIF set of a man dry humping his bed, desperately trying to cause enough friction to make himself come with the caption “This is why you have to keep an eye on him.”, the blue dot next to his messenger sign appeared and he had to smile at the coincidence.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: I think I need to remind you who is in charge here. In case you have forgotten you are MY sub. Understand me? MY sub. You are here for MY pleasure, MY desires. I decide how and when you get to pleasure yourself. I decide when you have crossed the line. Your attempts to nudge me into moving at a pace you desire are doing nothing but pushing you towards punishment._

Mike sucked his bottom lip in and stared at the screen wide-eyed. Oh yes. Punishment. After today he felt especially needy to be punished. To receive some kind of absolution that after hurting, he’d be a good boy again. Being punished and then held. God, how he wanted that.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: But you want that, don't you? Deep down inside you need to be punished, to be reminded that you are owned; that you are MINE. Well then, as you wish._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: When you read this, your first instinct will be to apologize- DON'T. There is nothing you can do to make up for your transgressions; your mouthiness. I shouldn't be surprised. So undisciplined. But I am willing to train you, turn you into the type of sub that I could show off. But you are not there yet, boy._

The heat he had felt a second earlier vanished when he read he couldn’t make up for his transgressions and therefore shouldn’t even try to apologize but when Neal told him He was willing to train him, he was more than ready. There was this craving, this void that needed to be filled.

He ran his sweaty palm along his neck and tried to breathe normally, waiting for his Dom to continue. Every single word made him feel better, accepted, willing to become a better sub, a better person. - Even now that He was telling him off and told him there was so much work to do. Even that. Because he knew that eventually he could get there. He could be trained. He could become the person Neal wanted him to be.

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: So hear me say this first. I am not disappointed in you, I am disappointed in your actions. I am punishing you for your acts. When the punishment is over, it is over. One day I will ask you to wear my marks, but for now, I just need you to feel them, to flinch at the sting of them, to see the skin reddened and know it is like that because of me. Are you ready? Find a ruler; lift your shirt sleeve up and and on that delicate skin between your wrist and forearm, I want you to bring the ruler down hard. It should sting and bite. 10 strikes- wait 1 minute then another 10 strikes. Do not think that just because this is virtual I will not know if you cheat. You will then take a picture of the area and upload it to me. If I am not satisfied- if the skin isn't red, with visible marks- I will have you repeat it until I am satisfied. And no coming. You seem to like the picture of the young man humping his bed- do your best junior. But don't you dare come. When you get this message. respond with any questions and your understanding._

“When the punishment is over, it is over.” - That line kept echoing in Mike’s head. He had to snap out of it, this was his escape from reality, today’s events shouldn’t bleed into this. Mike crawled out of bed and looked through his belongings; he knew that he had a ruler somewhere but cursed himself for always forgetting where he put stuff. Something he was constantly mocked for because people didn’t consider it possible with his eidetic memory…

When he finally found it, he did as he had been told and hit himself once, testing the force. The next one was a little more confident - and a lot harder. He bit on his lip as he did it again, slowly relaxing under the touch. He imagined Neal observing him, nodding slowly with strict yet approving eyes.

The break allowed the pain to catch up with him, so strike number eleven was the most difficult one. He hesitated but inhaled deeply before he went at it again and completed his task in concentration. “Ten…” he muttered to himself and stared at his red arm for a moment, well aware that this was the next step into the scene. Beforehand, he had been more or less passive, it had mostly happened in his head and yes, orgasm denial was a powerful thing but it wasn’t actual… actual… pain.  
But this was.  
And it left a mark.  
Something to remind him that he belonged to Neal.

He took a picture and uploaded it to the account, very carefully adjusting the angle to make sure that nobody could identify him by it because even though he somehow had a deep feeling that he could trust Neal, he didn’t know Him and his job was on the line enough as it was.

_Jokersprey: I understand, Sir. I hope that my picture pleases you._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Got it on the first try. Good boy._

Mike felt his entire body relax. Just what he needed right now.

JUST. WHAT. HE. NEEDED!

And he loved his new assignment!!! Humping was something he had never done before and God, even though he knew that it should be a ridiculous task and not something anyone could possibly enjoy, he was looking forward to it, especially since he had seen that image. He just hoped nobody would ever get to see this.

No. Wrong. Neal might.

A tiny voice inside his head said that he also might make an exception for Harvey but right now he really didn’t want to get further into it. He read the instructions once more and thought about possible questions.

_Jokersprey: Is there any limitation to the humping part or may I do this anytime as long as I don't come?_

_Jokersprey: Thank you for teaching me._

_Jokersprey: Thank you, Sir._

_Kneelandmoanthankyou: Restrictions, huh... Well I wasn't going to give you any, but something tells me you won't be satisfied until I do. So, once a day for three days you may hump anything you desire… but you better not come. Three days... and no more. Then I will decide if you've earned the right to come with my name on your lips._

Once again, the conversation with Neal had put him at ease in a way he hadn’t considered possible. He was smiling now, knowing he was taken care of, worthy and able to do something right for a change. The determination to do well put him on a high he wasn’t able to explain. He was overwhelmed by gratitude and a sense of belonging.

He’d start his task tomorrow. Right now he was way too horny from all the images he had just seen - if he humped anything right now, he’d definitely come and feel like a failure. Before he turned off his laptop, he replied once more.

_Jokersprey: I understand, Sir. And I will do as you please. Three days. Once a day. Got it. Thank you, Sir. For being so kind to me._

Just before he closed the lid, he heard the message sound and read “Good boy” and when Mike closed his eyes, he could feel his Dom right next to him. With that image on his mind, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That arm is not mine, I got it from a Tumblr page but don't remember which one. If you took this, contact me, please and I'll credit you (or take it down if you don't want this here). Thanks and sorry!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's aliiiiive :) I hate to leave stories unfinished, so the past half year, I've been circling around this one in particular because it's special to me. Believe it or not: It's pretty much done! Sairyn has actually gone over the entire thing again with me yesterday and once I've uploaded all chapters, I'll change the ones that are already up (just tiny changes, you don't need to read the entire thing again but right now I don't have the time to do it ;)) 
> 
> Once again, I'd like to thank Sairyn for being guide, mentor and patient friend on this one. Without her, this wouldn't have turned out the way it did. And what would any of my stories be without Novemberhush's words of support and her beta'ing? You two are the reason I'm still writing and haven't given up.

Day one after the big fuck up - unfortunately, the sense of accomplishment hadn’t survived the night, so when Mike entered the big office building, he felt tiny and stupid. Nervous. He had decided to avoid Harvey today, work hard and prove that he was worthy of being employed at the biggest law firm in the country. He’d let everyone down, himself included and he knew that it’d take more than winning a case to regain Harvey’s trust. 

Mike was ready to take the scenic route. No more shortcuts, no more selfish decisions, no more going it alone. He wanted to be a team player, needed to show everyone that he deserved to be here. Yes, he was determined to satisfy the clients and put his private life on hold to go the extra mile if desired. And then. Only then he’d be prepared to deliberately show his face near his boss again. 

That had been the plan. And Mike had considered it foolproof for exactly 10 seconds when he entered the elevator, lost in his own gloomy thoughts and bumped straight into the man he didn’t want to see under any circumstances. 

“You’re late”, Harvey stated drily, he wasn’t joking and certainly not patient with him. Why should he be after yesterday?  
Mike inhaled deeply and his first impulse was shooting back a witty reply but that didn’t seem right, so he asked honestly confused, “The merger meeting isn’t until 10.30?”

“Come with me,” Harvey answered curtly when they reached their floor and didn’t give him any further explanation. Mike stumbled after him into the spacious corner office and it took him a moment to register all the folders and boxes that were sitting on Harvey’s table, desk and sofa. 

“I received an anonymous tip that Spencer’s records aren’t clean. If we’re lucky, that tip was given by an ally but I have a vague feeling we’re facing a mole problem. Now, go and dig up anything dodgy. We don’t have much time,” Harvey sat down behind his desk and leaned back. He stretched his arms over his head and Mike could tell how tired he was. He had possibly been here all night and he hadn’t called him for help. Maybe he had been too disappointed. Or he had considered the option of letting him go. Mike didn’t know which one it was but he wasn’t stupid: This could be the first chance of demonstrating that he belonged here. He eagerly took a box, put it down and sat down on the now vacant spot on the couch. He could do this. 

There had always been a comfortable silence between them whenever they’d been working on a case but today there was nothing pleasant about it. It felt wrong, uneasy. The man on the other side of the table was tense, guarded. Every now and again he shot Mike a look that he couldn’t read; he just hoped it wasn’t utter disappointment. 

They went through file after file and the closer they got to the meeting, the more stressed Mike felt. Letting Harvey down wasn’t an option. He was deeply lost in his research and pulled up the third box, feeling sweaty and hot from his by now rapidly racing heart. The associate brushed some hair off his forehead, loosened his tie and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to get more comfortable. By now he wasn’t sure if the anonymous tip hadn’t been something Harvey had made up to get revenge and stress him out over nothing… 

Harvey picked up a file and read it over, it seemed like he was onto something but unlike all the other times they had prepared a meeting, he played his cards close to his chest. He pondered on something and put it aside, unsure what to do with it. His boss briefly looked at him, his gaze rested on his lower arm for a moment before he concentrated on the task at hand again. 

Mike was confused, he shook his head barely noticeably and opened the box to take out another folder. Without much of a thought, he checked what Harvey may have noticed and cursed inwardly. His arm was exposed. His mark was exposed. The heat rushed into his head and he was sure that he was blushing a crimson red. He quickly opened the folder and looked down to hide his face. Fuck. Was it obvious what had happened? Did it look like an injury? Had Harvey actually noticed? Would he think that he’d been in an accident? Could it look like selfharm? That’s the last thing Mike wanted!

When Harvey got to his feet and walked around the couch to stand behind him, Mike held his breath. Would he say something now? What was he doing? His boss put his hand on his shoulder and stood behind him, while he looked at the folder the younger man was currently going through and said firmly “I just know you can do better.” 

Mike nodded numbly and swallowed hard. Jesus, what was happening? Was this Harvey’s way of saying that he trusted him? Or that he should relax? By now, he felt as if he’d never really known the other man at all… He slid his sleeves down as casually as he could, maybe he was overreacting and this was all just coincidental. 

“Yesterday, you let me down. You know that. I know that. That can never happen again. But I know that you have potential. You can jump higher, go further. You just need to work on your focus,” Harvey continued and Mike suppressed the desire to reply ‘Yes, sir.’.  
Instead, he inhaled deeply and nodded again. He wasn’t sure his voice wouldn’t break but he needed to say something, so he tried “I’m doing the best I can.”

Harvey squeezed his shoulder harder and shook his head, Mike could see that in the reflection of the window, “No, you’re not. You can do more. And I need you to do more. Pearson Hardman needs you on top of your game. I need you on top of your game.” He had stressed the ‘I’ and God, that was all Mike had ever wanted. 

In this very second, his professionalism went straight out of said window and he felt like an incoherent puddle of want. His trembling fingers sifted through the pages but he wasn’t even sure which language he was looking at right now. In front of his inner eyes, Harvey didn’t just squeeze his shoulder but pushed him all the way down, onto his knees, to teach Mike where he belonged. What he was supposed to do. That he was supposed to serve him. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe in deeply - not taking into consideration that he’d inhale Harvey’s scent.   
Big. Mistake.

***

When Mike came home that night, he was in a dreamlike state. Not only had he no idea how he’d gotten back to his place, he’d also very much pushed the rest of the day aside.   
Everything that wasn’t Harvey. 

Yes, they had found the glitch and actually pretty much together when they had looked at a folder that had seemed unimportant at first (those were usually the worst). He had done everything in his power to leave a good impression and do whatever Harvey needed him to do. But more than anything, the scene from earlier occupied his mind. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something had happened in that moment, right? Or had that all been in his head? 

How he had wanted to go down on his boss there and then! Oh Lord, he was such a hopeless case… His hands were trembling as he rubbed his face and remembered that he wasn’t allowed to make himself come tonight.   
Or tomorrow.   
Or the day after that. 

He still hadn’t done the whole humping thing but knew that he needed to release some of his sexual tension. It could go horribly wrong but he just had to try. Mike walked into the kitchen, fetched a beer - hyperventilation made you so incredibly thirsty - took a long sip and put the bottle down before he stopped in the middle of his living room. Should he take a shower to get rid of the desire to masturbate? No. He’d need one anyway after what he was about to do. The blond man strolled into his bedroom and stared at the mattress.   
Okay. Let’s do this.

Mike took off his shirt while he kicked off his shoes and slipped out of his pants and boxers. Stark naked, he remembered the picture of the man he had seen on Tumblr, rubbing against a pillow as if there was no tomorrow. No, he couldn’t do that, a pillow would make him come in seconds. He’d have to do it the more “advanced” way.   
Mike knelt down on the edge of the mattress, his knees sunk slightly into the material and he wondered how pathetic this would look. Wrong thought - he was hard within seconds. 

He groaned as he leant forward until he was on all fours and tentatively lowered himself down further. When his dick touched the fabric underneath for the first time, a jolt surged right through him and he let out an involuntary moan. Carefully, he let himself sink deeper, as he started grinding against the mattress. 

“I need you on top of your game,” Harvey said strictly as he stood in the far corner of his room, watching his every move and Mike whimpered in surprise and need. 

“Neal told me you’re a good boy. Now show me what you got. But remember: No coming. Don’t disappoint us. That’s it. Just like that,” Harvey commanded. He looked impeccable in his three piece suit, with his hands in his pockets, frowning sternly. 

Mike dug his hands deeply into the mattress until his knuckles turned white and grunted desperately. He rubbed himself so hard that he could tell he would come very soon.

“Remember. No. Coming,” a voice from the other side of the room said. He couldn’t see that person’s face but he knew it was Neal. 

Him and Harvey were watching, they were exchanging looks, oh yes, they evaluated his performance. The sweat ran down Mike’s bare back as he started trembling. There was an animalistic high pitched sound in the room and Mike recognized it as his own voice. He hadn’t known he could make a noise like that. Oh God. He needed to stop but he seemed detached from his body. 

“You need to work on your focus,” Harvey pointed out and Mike squeezed his eyes shut. He forced himself to stop moving and felt the urge to bite something - it turned out to be his hand. When he let himself fall onto the mattress and curl up on his side, he wrapped his arms around the nearest pillow and tried to will the trembling away.   
Focus. Focus. You can do it. 

Charged like this, it was impossible go to sleep, so he stayed in this very position and closed his eyes. When he concentrated real hard, he could almost feel another warm body snuggled up against him and a voice whisper “Well done, I’m proud of you.”

***

As much as he had enjoyed those three days, they had also been true torture. Not coming was something he had gotten used to, that wasn’t the problem - but working himself up to a peak and then not allowing himself the release - that was the real deal. He had three bite marks on his body now, one on his hand and two on his lower arm and the last time he had denied himself the orgasm, he had started to cry in a weird cocktail of frustration and pride. 

Mike felt like an animal, owned, stripped of his basic rights but willing to serve, to strive, to become the perfect sub. If he could be that man for Neal, he felt that his job could also benefit from it. Harvey had told him the other day that he had been sharper - all because he wanted to please the other man. He knew how dangerous that mindset was but lately, Harvey seemed to walk even straighter, give him more direct orders… he couldn’t quite describe it but he appeared to be more than a mentor. A guidance. It ran deeper. 

Well. Possibly he was just making that up because it came in handy to fantasize about it - he knew that those things ticked all his boxes…

The night he was finally allowed to come, he basically exploded. Not only couldn’t he remember to have ever come as forcefully but his head also seemed to open some kind of floodgates. All those rich images that invaded him now were almost too much to take. They were extreme and he had never known he’d even had them stored away in his head to begin with. Orgies, whips, pain, candles, parties, gangbangs, being tied up, being fucked by several people in a short period of time, crawling on the floor, serving others, giving countless blowjobs, being shown off, sitting naked on a chair in a conference room, tied up, scared someone might come in, being caged, leashed, bound, beaten - you name it, it was there.   
Everything.   
In dangerously red colors, in black, in bright pink, in blue.   
Rapidly, slowly but overwhelmingly.   
He actually screamed and was too exhausted to clean himself up for a while as he let his mind catch up with reality and his heartbeat slow down. Wow. 

Grateful. That’s how he felt. Thankful, blissful and grateful. He wasn’t alone. Somebody was there to guide him through the process of becoming a sub and that was more than he could have dreamt of. He lazily cleaned his hands and reached for his phone before he wrote with still trembling fingers

_jokersprey: Sir. Whenever I'm having a bad day, I think of how good it feels to be yours. At your service, the good boy you want me to be. Thank you for your patience and guidance._

Neal was online that night and replied straight away

_kneelandmoanthankyou: And you think you want more?  
Are you sure you’re up for that?  
You’ve been good, but everything we’ve done so far has been child’s play. So I want you to think long and hard about what you think you want._

Mike knew what he wanted. He didn’t want this to stop. Ever. He felt like a kid in a candy shop with an infinite amount of money and an even bigger hunger for sweets. But Neal wanted him to think about it and he respected his Dom’s request. So far He’d done everything to make sure that Mike was safe and even though he wanted nothing more than to dive further into this and explore all the things (or at least a great amount of them) he’d just seen flash up before his eyes, he could tell there was a reason why Neal asked him to think about this properly. He put the phone aside and crawled out of bed - he definitely needed a shower now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Very much not safe for work!  
> 

Mike had thought long and hard about the question Neal had asked him. After a couple of weeks - he had lost count how many exactly because Harvey had been extremely demanding and they had jelled quite perfectly, he had to admit - Mike felt that he was ready for the next step.

He’d just returned from work and fallen onto his couch with an exhausted sigh while ridding himself of his tie and carelessly dropping it on the floor. He put his feet on the table and reached for the laptop that was still sitting innocently on the couch next to him. When he opened the lid, he chuckled to himself because the last page he had browsed was still open from when he had jerked off yesterday. He clicked the bdsm archive away and rubbed his face before he logged onto Tumblr.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: And you think you want more?  
_ _Are you sure you’re up for that?  
_ _You’ve been good, but everything we’ve done so far has been child’s play. So I want you to think long and hard about what you think you want._

The message was still there, black on grey, next to the avatar with the man in the suit that had intrigued him since day one. He inhaled deeply, ran his fingers along the keys of his laptop and thought for a second if this was really his turn to continue but he didn’t want to stop. Even now, especially now that things were about to get serious. He started typing slowly, considering every single word.

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir, I am up for that. I have spent days and weeks thinking about what I want and giving myself to you - that's all that's on my mind. Night and day._

Mike spent some time on Tumblr, browsing through pages and reblogging a couple of posts and just when he was about to put the device aside to grab something to eat, Neal replied and started a scene.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: Okay then.. Let's review your rules.  
_ _Always be honest. I do not want a repeat of what happened the first time we scened together.  
_ _Tell me your safe word_

The memory made Mike feel hot and cold. He gnawed on his bottom lip. No. Neither did he. That had been quite some scary shit. But knowing that Neal took that into account and was acutely aware of it, gave him a sense of security that he could hold onto. Stability. He trusted that man. He typed the word “Red.” but had the urge to add

_jokersprey: I too remember, and I’ve learned my lesson._

Neal’s subsequent “Good boy” went straight to his genitals again. Wasn’t that almost pathetic? He had been wanting this for so long and these weeks of absence had clarified that he needed it, no matter the side effects. He was hooked, lost, hopeless. Mike answered Neal’s question where he was and followed His orders to have a light snack and clean up.

“I want you ready in 30”, was something he had heard many times over the past weeks and again it was almost scary how much Neal sounded like Harvey. More so these days now that Harvey had decided to mentor him by challenging him more and more.

Neal had demanded he’d message him once he was ready and mentioned that he was watching the clock. It made Mike giddy with excitement and resulted in him knocking over a thankfully empty beer bottle, when he tried to conjure up something that counted as a proper snack.

Mike was done preparing about five minutes prior to his deadline but he didn’t want to annoy Neal by not obeying him exactly as told. 30 minutes sharp, he typed a message to let Neal know that he was ready and waited for further instructions.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy.  
_ _Strip for me… let me admire you for a moment while I decide how you will please me tonight_

The ‘how you will please me tonight’ made Mike gasp. His eyes widened, why had it taken him so long to admit to himself that he was eager to serve and that being a sub was something he had always craved. He got up again and started undressing with shaking hands, trying not to leave his Dom waiting. Mike kicked his clothes aside with his right foot and leaned down to the laptop to type.

_jokersprey: I'm naked now, Sir. Standing in the middle of the room._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Mmm… let me look at you. Send me a pic of your thigh. From there I will complete the picture of you in my head_

It should be scary to post yet another picture of his body but it wasn’t. And that alone should terrify Mike even more but it didn’t. Heck, he was way too cautious, this was Neal, he could trust this man, He had done so many things to prove that. Mike reached for his mobile phone and took a picture, trying not to reveal himself in any other way.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: Mmm Creamy pale skin... Completely unblemished. This skin will be the next place I want to see my mark on you. Can you do that for me? How beautiful that will look. But I am going to wait on that. I want you to do that later first thing tomorrow morning. So you’ll be reminded who you belong to.  
_ _Now. Kneel beside your couch..in front of me._

It was silly to look forward to hurting himself - but who was he kidding? He couldn’t wait to do this for Neal. But even more he was looking forward to the session they were commencing right now. He knelt down in front of the coffee table so he could still write but imagined that Neal was right in front of him. Mike wrote with closed eyes

_jokersprey: I'm on my knees, ready to serve you._

k _neelandmoanthankyou: Tell me about what you've been doing since we last spoke. When was the last time you came… where were you_

_jokersprey: Apart from thinking of you a lot. I have worked a lot - but when I finally managed to get home, I've looked at a lot of images, Sir. Browsed a lot of sites, thinking about you. And what you could do to me. The last time I came was yesterday. I was at home, just... sitting on the couch, browsing pages, thinking of what I would like to learn._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Hard work never hurt anyone. Are you ready to work hard again?_

FUCK! Mike’s heart skipped a beat. Why did everything revolving around the workplace get straight to him? He gnawed on his lip and felt his knees go weak under him before he numbly typed that he was very ready. Neal called him “Good boy” yet another time and he thanked Him for it, already completely dizzy by their exchange.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Last night you came… what specifically were you thinking of. What picture made you hard?_

Mike closed his eyes and thought of the previous evening, zoning right in on his fantasies. He smiled to himself and sucked on his bottom lip, humming softly before he replied with closed eyes.

_jokersprey: You once told me off for not being presentable and that I had a lot to learn and I just imagined that you took me to a party and I did everything to make you proud. And people were looking but I only had eyes for you._

The grin almost split his face in two when he stared at the screen now and read

_kneelandmoanthankyou: And how did you make me proud...time to use your words…_

Without thinking, his fingers deftly scampered around and before he knew it, he had put one of his most recurring obsessions out there.

_jokersprey: You asked me to show myself, on my knees with straight back and my hands behind my head, elbows spread wide, so everyone could see me. And you said that I did well when I didn't move at all when people checked me out. I wore your collar, too. And it was attached to a leash that you held, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: And did you imagine me rewarding you after?_

_jokersprey: You called me a good boy. You let me suck you off and then I was allowed to make myself come, too._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Assume the position you imagined. Spread your knees apart. Back straight. You may keep your hands where they are so you can continue typing_

Mike swallowed thickly and followed Neal’s orders. It was almost as if he had tumbled and fallen through a wormhole straight into his fantasy. He let his Dom know that he was ready and waiting for further directions. By now he was hard and told Neal about it when he asked. When he was forbidden to touch himself and his Master added that that was ‘his job tonight’, he let out a whimper, straightened his entire body, and thanked Neal with shaky hands. He was then asked for his colour for the first time, but it couldn’t have been greener.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: I am still in my suit… I’ve just gotten home. I'm going to pour myself a drink.  
_ _Can you hear the ice in my glass?_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. What are you drinking?_

No matter what Neal would answer now, the picture in his head was so invasive that from now on he’d see Harvey. Pouring amber liquor, smirking dangerously in his direction and getting ready for the game. Why deny what he had accepted weeks ago? Harvey would never know and this was his safe place to play.

 _kneelandmoanthankyou: My favorite scotch. I sip it slowly.. .my eyes drinking you in...  
_ _Don't move. Don't say a word unless I ask you a question.  
_ _Understood?_

Hmmmmm…. Mike moaned softly. Such a Harvey thing to say. Neal was his jackpot. In his wildest dreams he couldn’t have imagined to experience this. He let Him know that he had understood. And received another “Good boy” that went straight down his spine and made him pull his shoulders and knees apart a notch further.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I walk slowly towards you... Sipping from my glass  
_ _When I'm in front of you I stop and capture your gaze.  
_ _Are you mine tonight?_

_jokersprey: I'm yours. Only yours, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: My fingers drop to your chin and lift your face up.  
_ _I plan to take you apart. Do you want that?_

Mike actually exclaimed “Oh God, yes. Please!!!” before he wrote it. He was so horny that his dick began to hurt.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Are you hard for me?_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. I'm so aroused._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Mmm... Remember no touching.. That is mine_

POSSESSIVENESS! HOT! Mike’s thoughts became less and less coherent.

_jokersprey: Hm._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: You are beautiful. I can't wait to hear you moan.  
_ _My fingers drift down to your neck. Eyes straight ahead.  
_ _Focus on my voice, my orders.  
_ _Look at me. Don’t avert your eyes.  
_ _My mouth. My tongue is slowly darting out.  
_ _I am licking my lips observing you  
_ _I can smell your arousal...are you leaking precome?_

YES, YES, YES!!! Had he mentioned: Animal? He was nothing but a primitive animal! His knees hurt, his back hurt, he was trembling, a mess. HE WANTED HIM. SO BADLY.

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir! I am. Fuck._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good… don’t move.  
_ _I kneel in front of you setting my glass down beside me. I lean in to your neck…  
_ _inhale your scent_

This felt so incredibly dangerous but so very real. He wanted, craved, needed Him here. In person. Doing this to him.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I've been waiting for you. Don't make me wait any longer_

Before he knew what he was doing, he had typed “I won’t, Sir” and felt how he blushed all over when he realised that he had broken the rule. He looked down at his hands and waited for Neal to punish him for it. That happened when you got carried away…

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I didn't ask you a question.  
_ _What were your rules_

_jokersprey: No speaking unless you asked me a question, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Since you still seem to have a problem with your mouth, let's put it to good use. I lift my fingers up to your lips...  
_ _Open up and suck. Get them nice and wet for me._

Mike had long left this earth, he was merely a shell now, a toy to be played with. He put two fingers into his own mouth and sucked on them, moaning silently. The sounds he made got louder with every line that Neal wrote.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Because when I feel like you've done a good job… I'm going to use these fingers..  
_ _Suck them like you would my cock  
_ _Just like that baby  
_ _Deeper… more...  
_ _I want to squeeze and pinch your nipples...  
_ _Want to taste my scotch on your lips  
_ _Want to hear you cry out my name when I make you come_

By now it was almost too much to take and the scotch reference made his entire body shudder with want. When Neal asked him now if he was sucking his fingers for Him, he wanted to tell Him all these things, let Him know how aroused he was, how amazing he felt and just how incredibly happy he was but he had to follow the rules. Answer. Just answer.

_jokersprey: Oh God yes, Sir. Yes!_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Are they wet?  
_ _Are you wet?_

_jokersprey: Yes to both. Definite yesses_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good.  
_ _Do you think you've learned your lesson tonight?_

HUH? LESSON? His head couldn’t form one straight thought, so how could he possibly remember a lesson he had learnt. He was barely able to reply.

_jokersprey: I'm not sure, Sir?_

Neal wasn’t pissed off. He patiently asked him which rule he had broken earlier and the whole thing became clearer to Mike. He blinked a couple of times, took a deep breath and answered.

_jokersprey: I spoke without being asked a question, Sir._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: And will you do this again_

_jokersprey: No, Sir. I will not speak unless you ask me to._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy.  
_ _Grab your cock with your spit slicked hand  
_ _Imagine my hand covering yours  
_ _Slide up… slowly  
_ _Slide down… slowly  
_ _Repeat...slowly  
_ _Over and over while I lean in and whisper...  
_ _One day soon, I'm going to tie you to my bed and fuck you until you can't remember your name.  
_ _I'm going to split you wide open on my cock... Move into you slowly… deeply  
_ _Because you want it this way... Need it this way  
_ _Keep stroking... Don't come until I give you permission  
_ _And when you're so close and begging for release....  
_ _Your hands itching to touch yourself... I will grab them both and hold them behind your back while I continue to fuck you  
_ _You want to come? You ready baby?_

Mike was stroking himself rapidly now, reading every new line as it came in, gasping and moaning with every single word. Neal pushed all his buttons. Every single one. He worked him hard, and it was quite the ride. When He grabbed his hands and held them back while He was pounding into him, Mike bit into his arm again, forcing himself not to come.

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. Yes!!!!_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Mmm..should I let you? You feel so good_

_jokersprey: Please. Please let me come. Please, Sir._

Mike whimpered, covered in sweat and precum, unable to form any more sentences, the words “please” and “let me come” and “sir” were twirling inside his head like a crazed merry-go-round and everything inside him was burning up. He needed Neal’s permission. Now.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: You beg so pretty. Alright baby... Close your eyes and look at me… feel my hand wrapped around yours as you stroke yourself to completion.  
_ _Come for me sweetheart... ruin my suit  
_ _Spill yourself all over me_

Had Mike been as sharp as he usually was, he would have admired the “close your eyes and look at me” even more but the thing that absolutely did the trick was the idea of ruining his suit. Coming all over Neal. He was naked, bare, uncovered, raw and the man in front of him was still in his impeccable three-piece. Mike shot his load into his hand and leaned his forehead against the screen as if it allowed him to crawl through the laptop and become one with the person on the other side. Instead, he almost kicked the device off the table. It took him a moment to recover and clean himself up. When he had assumed an a little more relaxed position, he read that Neal had given him the permission to speak freely.

_jokersprey: Thank you, Sir. So, so much._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: How do you feel? What is your color_

Emotions washed over Mike. He couldn’t thank this man enough for His guidance, His patience, His strong will. He wanted to kiss His feet and worship the ground He walked on.

_jokersprey: You are so perfect. I feel so honoured you want this with me.  
_ _Green_

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy.  
_ _Get comfortable... And when you can… eat a snack and drink something warm._

_jokersprey: I always have so many things I would love to say to you. To show you just how special this is. And how much I enjoy it. I hope you know anyway.  
_ _I will make myself some tea._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I am enjoying you.  
_ _Your submission is beautiful_

Mike was overwhelmed with emotions when he read those lines and wiped a tear from his eyes. Those hormones, one day he’d get used to them.

_jokersprey: That means so much to me._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Rest…_

_jokersprey: Yes, Sir. I'm pretty tired now. You... I'm glad we found each other on that page (it sounds sappier than intended)_

That was probably a mistake to write but Mike wanted Neal to participate in the emotions he was dealing with right now. He’d promised to be honest and this was his way of sharing. When he got to his feet and walked into his bedroom to find some comfortable clothes to wear, the Tumblr sound made him return to the screen once more.

_kneelandmoanthankyou: I will be checking in on you. If you start to feel any weird way...reach out to me_

_jokersprey: I will. Thank you._

_kneelandmoanthankyou: Good boy_

Mike smiled very contently and closed the lid of his laptop, finally got dressed and made some tea. He felt very at ease and looked after. And tomorrow morning, he would proudly wear another of Neal’s marks.

***

What an evening that had been… Mike couldn’t stop thinking about last night’s session and it annoyed him that it interfered with his work. Hadn’t he just made a vow to give everything to Harvey, neglect his private life if necessary to prove that he was worthy? Why was he so weak and gave in to his desires so easily? He sighed a little and climbed out of bed, trying to go over one of the cases they were currently working on in his mind to come up with a legal approach to make them win. Because everyone knew that Harvey was the best closer in the city. He never lost a case, right? So he shouldn’t start because Mike had missed something.

His fresh mark stung but it made him feel worthy and good. He had done exactly what Neal had asked him to do and even though he still needed to be schooled every now and again, he was getting better at this whole following orders and obeying his Dom thing. Mike put his hand on top of his head and had to admit that his place was a mess. He had spent way too many hours in front of the screen instead of keeping things tidy.

When he walked around his flat in his boxers and favourite grey shirt, he started picking up random items of clothing and threw them into the brown basket next to his wardrobe where he collected his dirty laundry. He sipped on the bottle with stale beer, pulled a face and poured it into the sink before stuffing the vessel into an already full bag with many of its friends. He was about to head for the bathroom, when the doorbell rang.

Mike frowned. Who came by his place this early? It had just turned seven. He decided to ignore it.  
It rang again.  
He rubbed his face and decided to check anyway. Could be important. You never knew… He pulled the door open and his jaw dropped to see Harvey right in front of him, pushing himself past into the apartment as if he had been there before and this wasn’t brand new and slightly weird.

Mike muttered to himself “Yeah, why don’t you come in?” He scratched the back of his head and closed the door while attempting to take it all in.

“So this is this thing they call ‘shabby chic’,” Harvey raised an eyebrow at the sight of his apartment before eyeing him up from head to toe.

Mike blushed and shrugged apologetically “All my money goes to grammy, not everyone can have one of those fancy condos that cost more rent a month than a six week vacation to Hawaii. Welcome to the real world.” Something about that look made him go very weak.

“In the real world they don’t seem to know the concept of tidying up?” He was teasing Mike.

“In the associate world, they don’t seem to know the concept of free time. It might come as a surprise to you: Spare evenings eventually might result in a tidy place! That’s how it works, Harvey.” Mike’s nose was still pink and gave him away but he tried to act as if he wasn’t aware of that.

“Another episode of ‘Mike Ross explains the world’. I’m all ears. But I’m not here to chitchat with you. I tried calling but I guess you were too busy creating this mess to notice. Our hearing was moved to 8.30. So: Shower. Shave. Brush your teeth. Suit. Your best one. No skinny ties.”

Mike stood straighter automatically and nodded “Yes, Sir!” He had meant it as a joke but when the words had passed his lips, he quickly turned away to hide how flustered he suddenly was. He saluted comically to camouflage it and quickly rushed into the shower to do as Harvey had told him. He prayed to God that his boss hadn’t noticed the bright red skin on his upper thigh that had barely been covered by his boxers…

While he let the water wash over him, he tried to shake the feeling that this was kinda intimate. Harvey had come to his place, he hadn’t just waited downstairs and sent Ray up to get him. God, he wished he had cleaned up a little… The bits and pieces he had done this morning were nothing compared to what was still due.

“You have two more minutes in there, rookie!” Harvey shouted now and Mike jumped in surprise. He stepped out of the shower, shaved and brushed his teeth in record time - that would have to do… When he walked out of the bathroom, he bumped straight into Harvey who held a suit and the fitting tie up “This one. Now hurry. ...I’m surprised I found anything in this mess...”

Five minutes later, they rushed downstairs; Mike’s hair was still slightly wet and the things that had just happened were slowly catching up with him. Harvey had decided what he should wear - not for the first time. And he had just let it happen. He had let him waltz straight into his four walls and order him around…

He got into the car on his side and took a deep breath, “Alright. Ready to kick some ass.”

Harvey turned and looked him in the eye, before he nodded and said almost fondly, “Good boy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for this one, Sairyn, it's so much more fun to write a scene like this one with an actual counterpart xxx The first scene that I wrote on my own was definitely a lot less exciting, so you offering to write Neal from the second scene on was perfect :) Everyone, round of applause, she knows her job!!! ;))


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the final chapter! I would like to thank all of you for your patience and never-ending support. Sairyn was a stellar Neal whenever I needed guidance and Novemberhush is the queen of tenses and grammar and with her positive and endearing attitude the best cheerleader I could wish for.

Weeks had gone by since Harvey had picked him up from home and both Mike’s relationship with Neal and that with Harvey had intensified. It was a little as if all stars aligned for him, he couldn’t quite believe that he was allowed to grow and encounter all these moments, these lessons, sessions and tutoring. His own place was a lot tidier these days and he blamed it on his desire to thrive, be everything Neal and Harvey wanted to see in him. He wouldn’t disappoint them, would do his utmost to make sure they appreciated him. Wanted him around. It wasn’t that he was a completely changed person. No, he wouldn’t want that. It would possibly scare him to lose himself in the game. If anything, Mike felt like a better version of himself. He achieved things he never considered possible, both in his professional and in his personal life - especially his sex life but putting it that way made it sound more shallow than it was. 

This morning, Harvey had offered him to sit in on a very important client meeting and he was certain that just half a year ago, he would not have been allowed to experience this. He’d have to thank Neal for that some day. Because if he was honest with himself, it was those chats and the desire to be a better sub that had improved his work performance as well. 

Now they were about to celebrate the closing of the deal. Harvey had asked him into his office. Everyone had left and he had packed up his belongings to call it a night. Before he vacated his cubicle, he had sent Neal a short message saying that he wouldn’t be around tonight - not that they had agreed to scene or anything but he just felt the need to let him know. Then he grabbed his bag and jacket and made his way into Harvey’s office. 

When he reached the room he had spent so many hours in, he noticed that Harvey wasn’t there yet but a shadow from the hall called out for him and demanded “Have a look at the file I just opened there, I’ll be right with you…” Mike shook his head in amusement. So much for celebrating, he had lured him right to the next case. Sneaky bastard… 

He put his jacket on the backrest of the couch, slid his messenger bag off his shoulder and placed it right next to it and approached the desk with the laptop. Mike moved the mouse slightly to wake the device from its slumber and gasped at what he saw because he was caught completely off-guard.   
Neal’s profile!   
What on earth was Harvey doing on Neal’s profi…. 

“I took a wild guess…” Harvey leaned against the doorframe, hands in his pocket and looked completely relaxed - how could he be that relaxed? What was going on here? When Mike was about to open his mouth (not knowing what to say but opening his lips was at least a start…), he noticed something else: Harvey was wearing that three-piece from the avatar. He had never seen him in that particular suit before. Not once. 

“You… took… a guess…” Mike heard himself stammer and took a step backwards. He felt hot and cold, cold and hot. His heart was almost jumping out of his chest. 

“Yes. The bruise on your wrist. The mark on your thigh. It was too much to be a coincidence,” the other man, Harvey, Neal, Harvey… took a step closer in the process. Maybe he wasn’t as relaxed as he let on. Mike had hardly seen him this… serious. Usually life was a play and the world was Harvey’s stage but this. This mattered to him. This wasn’t a game.

Mike hid his face behind his trembling hands and whispered, “Oh God… I had no idea… I’m so sorry…” He had no idea why he apologised but the situation was so odd, so unreal.

“I’m not…” Harvey pointed out and provoked a peak between his fingers from the man in front of him that seemed and felt even younger now than he normally would, “No? You’re not?”

Harvey shook his head and took yet another step closer. He was in charge, even after the big reveal he was completely owning this and Mike had a feeling that he could let himself fall. He slowly moved his hands down and gnawed on his bottom lip before he admitted “I wasn’t prepared for this to be real…”

That made Harvey stop. He stood in the middle of the room and lost his composure for a very tiny second. His features turned softer and he raised a hand, as if he was about to offer something to Mike and in a way he was, “Look… when I figured out it was you… I couldn’t continue the game for an infinite amount of time. I had to tell you. It took me a while to gather the courage to do so because truth be told: You’re a hell of a sub. And I didn’t want to lose you.”

Mike reached for the desk and held onto it because he suddenly felt very dizzy, “Thank you? I guess…?” He inhaled deeply and grinned shyly “Have you ever… Are you… as experienced as you wrote you were? Or was that a game?”

“I could teach you a thing or two,” Harvey replied calmly. He still didn’t move closer - he had had some time to come to terms with it. For Mike the shock was still fresh. 

When he had finally gathered enough courage to ask, he tried very carefully “Would you? ...Teach me a thing… or two…?” 

“Is that an invitation?” Harvey asked more firmly. Mike had a vague feeling he knew where this was going and fuck, he had fantasised about this for so long now. 

“I think…?” he tried those words to see if they fitted.

“You think…?” the other man demanded to know. He was confident now, slipping into the role he had played for so many weeks now.

“Yes… That’s an invitation…” Mike muttered and let go of the desk, taking a step towards Harvey.

“Didn’t you miss something? Yes…?” Harvey’s eyes suddenly seemed very deep and dangerous. Mike shivered involuntarily.

“Yes, ...Sir…” he tested the word. And it sounded perfect to him. His entire inside was tingling, he blushed and looked down at his hands. 

“Look at me and repeat your consent,” his Dom demanded and Mike swallowed hard before he obeyed and stared straight into His eyes, “Yes, Sir. Please teach me all the things I need to know.”

Harvey smiled mildly and hummed before he said “Good boy.” He closed in on Mike and ran the back of his hand along his cheek, whispering “You have no idea for how long I’ve wanted this. When you entered my life, I knew that you were perfect. But I never dared to dream… Mister lady magnet, mister charming sunny boy, mister knowitall. Who could have guessed that you had this in you…”

“I…” Mike started but Harvey shushed him with his index finger on Mike’s lips, “Not yet, rookie. Not yet.” 

He walked around him and took in every single detail before He continued “Then, online, this kid virtually stumbled into my life, wet behind the ears, new to all of this, excited but vulnerable… And boy did he remind me of you. It fascinated me, rekindled a fire that I had long neglected. At the same time, your head took off to space, you always seemed miles away, so I distracted myself. If only I had known… “ Harvey paused then. 

“And this boy… He said all the right things. He wasn’t perfect, a mouthy, little filthy sub, that needed training. So many lessons I could teach him. And with every single one, I felt a stronger connection. It was then that I began to see the signs…”

Mike balled his hands into fists to keep quiet. In reality, all of this was so much stronger than in his fantasy. This was happening. Harvey was here. Mentoring, guiding him. Telling him all these things he had always wanted Him to say. “I…”, he tried again and Harvey smirked, standing right in front of him now, just inches away from his face, “Have I given you permission to speak?”

“No, Sir!” Mike’s entire body was trembling by now. 

“That’s right… I haven’t. Do you still wear my mark?” Harvey had asked him for another one across his nipple, knowing how sensitive that area was. 

Mike nodded and whispered “Yes, Sir. It’s still visible…” 

Harvey obviously wanted to test him now. He very briefly brushed His lips over Mike’s, causing him to whimper and fight with his entire being to not lean in but just let it happen. He squeezed his eyes shut but didn’t miss the little approving hum. 

“I would like to take things slow, rookie. You’re new to this and we both know what some of the cyber sessions did to you. I will not allow that to happen. You’re under my care. Cyber scenes can be very intense but they are nothing compared to the real deal. If you mean what you said…” Harvey paused and smiled openly now, dropping the mask “...and trust me, I’d wish nothing more… I would like to give this a try; turn Kneelandmoan and Joker into Harvey and Mike. Not full-time. I don't think you’re there yet. Maybe we start with just one scene at a time. But you need to trust me.”

Mike was dying to say something now and Harvey nodded and gave him permission. He tested his voice that was still shaky and replied, “I do trust you. I’ve trusted Neal in a scaringly undoubtful way. And.. I imagined it to be you… It was too good to be true but the scotch, the suit, the way Neal wrote… I wanted it. So badly. Even though I never dared to dream… It’s terrifying in a way because… I can’t hide anymore. You know? It’s out there. You know what turns me on, you know about my weird ideas and fantasies and the weirdest part is that you don’t seem to mind…”

“In a way you just called me weird. Are you aware of that?” Harvey wanted to keep a straight face but for now He couldn’t hide the grin. He ran the back of His hand along Mike’s cheek again, “Oh God, you’re so fucking perfect… Kneel…” 

Mike’s breathing hitched because this was all he had ever wanted. He slowly sank down to his knees without a second of doubt and wondered what would happen next. Harvey circled him again and ran His index finger along his spine, immediately resulting in a straighter posture of His sub. Harvey whispered “Oh, I’m gonna have so much fun with you…”

Mike smiled proudly and stared ahead. This was a dream. It couldn’t be real, could it? 

“I once wrote it to you, but it has never been as true as it is now: Your submission is beautiful.” 

The younger man couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. A tear ran down his face. It was all he had ever wanted and he knew that it wasn’t just in his head. Or in the safe environment of cyberspace. It was real. It was intense. It was perfect. He wasn't a freak; he no longer had to hide. It was out. He was officially outed and more than that: He was welcomed into strict guidance. And loving arms.

When Harvey ran His thumb along his lips and Mike parted them to take it in, his Dom smiled before He shook His head and looked at him rigorously “I guess we have already established that patience isn’t your strong suit.”

Mike groaned but accepted his fate wordlessly. They would have all the time in the world to work on that.


End file.
